I find the thoughts interesting. I believe you can go somewhere more with this if you want to. I see this as a journey to greater understanding, something we all should want. It might be a little better to use some other word for altitude, such as truth. I only get accesorize (it kind of sounds like a current fashion statement) by trying to read a lot into it. Make it easier for me by saying it in another simpler way - Jim
ok, ive read this a couple of times, but i still a bit lost. its not the depth of the piece but the structure/punctuation etc that gets me. ie
Divided between the altitude and I
i dont understand this. its not coherent and cohesive. so are you divided between the altitude and the I-mountain? now are you speaking of a song? if so, quotations marks would help.
and forty steps to go
and a new perspective
that trains my eyes to see
now this i really like. im all about perspective. in fact, my friends would tell you that i always say "perspective is everything"...i preach it, live it, love it. so you do say a lot here in a nice way.
overall, i think this is a good piece with a clever message but it needs work. now, this is just my 2 pence worth, of course. do with it what you will. just know that all ive said is in honesty, sincerity and love for writing.