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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love you Stepsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 679
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 219



    Description:
       Really raw, simple, thiking on elaboration, not sure.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love you Stepsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains
    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see,
    twenty more steps
    with space and time to accesorize




    Submitted on 2012-01-05 12:17:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it. this has so many different directions it can go. I think people would probably appreciate it more if it was longer and a little more elaborate.

    ~Ms.understood
    | Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      I find the thoughts interesting. I believe you can go somewhere more with this if you want to. I see this as a journey to greater understanding, something we all should want. It might be a little better to use some other word for altitude, such as truth. I only get accesorize (it kind of sounds like a current fashion statement) by trying to read a lot into it. Make it easier for me by saying it in another simpler way - Jim
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, ive read this a couple of times, but i still a bit lost. its not the depth of the piece but the structure/punctuation etc that gets me. ie

    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains

    i dont understand this. its not coherent and cohesive. so are you divided between the altitude and the I-mountain? now are you speaking of a song? if so, quotations marks would help.

    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see

    now this i really like. im all about perspective. in fact, my friends would tell you that i always say "perspective is everything"...i preach it, live it, love it. so you do say a lot here in a nice way.


    overall, i think this is a good piece with a clever message but it needs work. now, this is just my 2 pence worth, of course. do with it what you will. just know that all ive said is in honesty, sincerity and love for writing.


    ciao

    -JP
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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