Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love you Stepsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 219



    Description:
       Really raw, simple, thiking on elaboration, not sure.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love you Stepsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains
    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see,
    twenty more steps
    with space and time to accesorize




    Submitted on 2012-01-05 12:17:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it. this has so many different directions it can go. I think people would probably appreciate it more if it was longer and a little more elaborate.

    ~Ms.understood
    | Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      I find the thoughts interesting. I believe you can go somewhere more with this if you want to. I see this as a journey to greater understanding, something we all should want. It might be a little better to use some other word for altitude, such as truth. I only get accesorize (it kind of sounds like a current fashion statement) by trying to read a lot into it. Make it easier for me by saying it in another simpler way - Jim
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, ive read this a couple of times, but i still a bit lost. its not the depth of the piece but the structure/punctuation etc that gets me. ie

    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains

    i dont understand this. its not coherent and cohesive. so are you divided between the altitude and the I-mountain? now are you speaking of a song? if so, quotations marks would help.

    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see

    now this i really like. im all about perspective. in fact, my friends would tell you that i always say "perspective is everything"...i preach it, live it, love it. so you do say a lot here in a nice way.


    overall, i think this is a good piece with a clever message but it needs work. now, this is just my 2 pence worth, of course. do with it what you will. just know that all ive said is in honesty, sincerity and love for writing.


    ciao

    -JP
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193838

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Giving written by jjd
    Summer written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Linger written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry