Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love you Stepsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 219



    Description:
       Really raw, simple, thiking on elaboration, not sure.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love you Stepsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains
    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see,
    twenty more steps
    with space and time to accesorize




    Submitted on 2012-01-05 12:17:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it. this has so many different directions it can go. I think people would probably appreciate it more if it was longer and a little more elaborate.

    ~Ms.understood
    | Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      I find the thoughts interesting. I believe you can go somewhere more with this if you want to. I see this as a journey to greater understanding, something we all should want. It might be a little better to use some other word for altitude, such as truth. I only get accesorize (it kind of sounds like a current fashion statement) by trying to read a lot into it. Make it easier for me by saying it in another simpler way - Jim
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, ive read this a couple of times, but i still a bit lost. its not the depth of the piece but the structure/punctuation etc that gets me. ie

    Divided between the altitude and I
    Mountains

    i dont understand this. its not coherent and cohesive. so are you divided between the altitude and the I-mountain? now are you speaking of a song? if so, quotations marks would help.

    and forty steps to go
    and a new perspective
    that trains my eyes to see

    now this i really like. im all about perspective. in fact, my friends would tell you that i always say "perspective is everything"...i preach it, live it, love it. so you do say a lot here in a nice way.


    overall, i think this is a good piece with a clever message but it needs work. now, this is just my 2 pence worth, of course. do with it what you will. just know that all ive said is in honesty, sincerity and love for writing.


    ciao

    -JP
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193838

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry