Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: light of nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenbylove
    ASL Info:    26/m/australia
    Elite Ratio:    1.27 - 63/297/258
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 524



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslight of nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    my life was slowly crumbling
    i gave up long ago
    my heart couldnt take it anymore
    there was nothing left to fight for
    my heart has gone dark
    i cant see
    its like my sight has been stolen from me
    then you came like a shining light
    to chase the dark away
    to pull me back from the brink
    help me find the missing link
    i was incomplete
    you held out your hand
    my life now seems not all bad
    cause your here to light up my night




    Submitted on 2012-01-06 10:37:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think that this is very good and i can feel your passion. youre articulate, elegant and honest. that makes for a great writer/poet.

    the only nit i have is that i would love for you to have shown me and not just told me in this piece. in other words. use images that convey how you are feeling.
    for example:

    my life was slowly crumbling

    this is a powerful line, but you tell me when i would like to see. paint portraits with your words. maybe you could have said,

    MY LIFE IS AN ANCIENT FACADE
    MOMENT BY MOMENT I WASTE AWAY...

    or something like that. this example is just of the top of my head. now, you wouldnt want to do that every line, but mix of telling with showing.


    thats my 2 pence worth!

    -jp
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    carnivals written by etheror
    The Howling of The Loon written by Esophagus1
    moving and burning written by theinforment
    Scared of love written by theinforment
    familiarity... written by trinityfinger
    She's mine I'm hers written by theinforment
    "Happiness" written by LightningAngel
    woman written by badliver
    untitled written by Crestfallenman
    Bifurcation written by expiring_touch
    Sonnet to the Past Five Years written by MadGeologist
    Naïveté written by becca113
    VENTING-DNTREAD written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Tangible for the Kids written by Jazzy
    Philosophic thoughts on Religion written by Anatta
    Waking Dreams written by CaiZutto
    Marcus written by becca113
    Pinkie Promise written by etheror
    Take a listen -Japan- written by SingSong
    There wouldn't have been any hope at all written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Mistake written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Regretting written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Doing it wrong written by becca113
    About Me and Then About You written by Anixancy
    Could you pass the peas? written by AEREASSAULT
    Echoes written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Balancing Act written by duawrites
    My condolences. written by etheror
    If I lost you written by Katrinagolden
    Blessing written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.