Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: light of nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenbylove
    ASL Info:    26/m/australia
    Elite Ratio:    1.27 - 63/297/258
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 262
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 524



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslight of nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    my life was slowly crumbling
    i gave up long ago
    my heart couldnt take it anymore
    there was nothing left to fight for
    my heart has gone dark
    i cant see
    its like my sight has been stolen from me
    then you came like a shining light
    to chase the dark away
    to pull me back from the brink
    help me find the missing link
    i was incomplete
    you held out your hand
    my life now seems not all bad
    cause your here to light up my night




    Submitted on 2012-01-06 10:37:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think that this is very good and i can feel your passion. youre articulate, elegant and honest. that makes for a great writer/poet.

    the only nit i have is that i would love for you to have shown me and not just told me in this piece. in other words. use images that convey how you are feeling.
    for example:

    my life was slowly crumbling

    this is a powerful line, but you tell me when i would like to see. paint portraits with your words. maybe you could have said,

    MY LIFE IS AN ANCIENT FACADE
    MOMENT BY MOMENT I WASTE AWAY...

    or something like that. this example is just of the top of my head. now, you wouldnt want to do that every line, but mix of telling with showing.


    thats my 2 pence worth!

    -jp
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193852

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Maybe, Okay, I Don't, Care written by TeslaKoyal
    The Snail And The Skink (Doormats) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream State written by ShindigHero
    Where I Want to Be written by riverrei
    Future written by saartha
    You Don't See written by riverrei
    Unconscious Love©™ written by kyserin
    The Silence Inside The Noise written by TeslaKoyal
    The Mighty Thoughts written by Ramneet
    all in one breath written by Daniel Barlow
    Merry fuck you santa written by distortedcloud
    untitled written by lori_tab
    Can you feel my silence written by DukeNeedles
    V/Liable written by OneDarkFlame92
    Change the Chapter remain in the Book written by Forgiven
    are our minds & thoughts really free? written by CrypticBard
    When I Die written by DukeNeedles
    UTE TRIP TO APPALACHIA written by hanuman
    Delete my account written by nomadimpy
    Can you feel my heart beat? written by DukeNeedles
    What Awaits Me written by riverrei
    the way we must have loved written by jeniecel
    Decode me written by DukeNeedles
    Mental Princess written by ShadowParadox
    Who Knew written by riverrei
    The Monarch [Butterfly] written by ShadowParadox
    Battlefields written by TeslaKoyal
    Binary Eyes written by TeslaKoyal
    Malignant head written by expiring_touch
    Disappeared (Working Title) Chapter 4 written by riverrei

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry