[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: hookdots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.77 - 417/433/131
    Words: 319
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 371
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1950


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I was smaller than I'd imagined.
    in my mind I was a super hero.
    I could dodge false pretenses
    and greed disguised as affection.
    then I fell.
    like I carried a contagion that would
    lead to hopelessness.
    no. that isn't true.
    I'm the girl who still puts on fairy wings
    no matter how many times they've been
    bent and broken
    by Pan or Hook or Crook or God.

    my feet are scaly.
    does Obama get dry feet?
    or does someone bathe them in oils
    like they did with Jesus?

    I like to write with my eyes closed so not even I am watching.
    bon voyage!
    only parts of me will float back.
    others will be dragged deep beneath blue-black water.
    no matter how I thrash my fins
    I only end up swimming in circles until finally
    my mouth invites the hook in.
    I open my big fish mouth as wide as it will go
    and my eyes bulge as the water weeps off them.

    sometimes it's like I'm running away,
    other times you're the prey.
    or do I fish but then I'm the bait?

    If you choose to eat me I hope you swallow me whole
    and I live inside you, eating your roe and your ribs
    until you are taken from the inside out

    and when I say good night . . .

    is it fair to pretend that I don't understand all the people I am and all the things I claim to be?
    goodnight moon has turned to blood diamonds
    but I'm still asking where the wild things are
    and who speaks for the trees now
    and can it be me?

    I can't fish.
    I don't have the constitution for it.
    I wish I could farm and grow dreams.
    Then I'd never go hungry.

    Submitted on 2012-01-06 11:12:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i really like all the allusions in here, especially the obama/jesus thing..

    i would use "i invite the hook in" so that mouth is not repeated so close together.

    but a good piece here.

    "i live inside you eating your roe and ribs"

    how intimate...

    "i don't fish...i wish i could farm and grow dreams"

    so do i!
    | Posted on 2012-01-07 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]