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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Want...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MsUnderstood
    ASL Info:    22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 26/21/22
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Want...dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I want it to be gone
    Your feelings for her so strong
    Only your voice
    Can make the final choice

    I want to hear you every night
    Keeping you close with all my might
    My love for you has become too strong
    That I cannot bare to be away for long

    Last night I cried a sea of tears
    Hoping they’d wash away my fears

    I want to hate her I really do
    But I know I can’t and neither can you
    I can’t tell you what to do
    And especially not who to choose to be

    But most of all I want you to choose me




    Submitted on 2012-01-07 15:19:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I think it needs to break more outside of the box. The rhyming seems forced in places and some lines such,"sea of tears..." are a bit cliché. D
    | Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by malcolmknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm right there with ya hun. I feel this close to home. This is a very good piece, and I am glad you wrote it. I am going to watch you closely, because I believe that many more good piece are left inside you.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]


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