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22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
4.21 - 26/21/22
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I want it to be gone
Your feelings for her so strong
Only your voice
Can make the final choice
I want to hear you every night
Keeping you close with all my might
My love for you has become too strong
That I cannot bare to be away for long
Last night I cried a sea of tears
Hoping they’d wash away my fears
I want to hate her I really do
But I know I can’t and neither can you
I can’t tell you what to do
And especially not who to choose to be
But most of all I want you to choose me
Submitted on 2012-01-07 15:19:38
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2: I dunno...
4: Pretty cool
||| Comments |||
I think it needs to break more outside of the box. The rhyming seems forced in places and some lines such,"sea of tears..." are a bit cliché. D
| Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by
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I'm right there with ya hun. I feel this close to home. This is a very good piece, and I am glad you wrote it. I am going to watch you closely, because I believe that many more good piece are left inside you.
| Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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