Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Want...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MsUnderstood
    ASL Info:    22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 26/21/22
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 409
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Want...dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I want it to be gone
    Your feelings for her so strong
    Only your voice
    Can make the final choice

    I want to hear you every night
    Keeping you close with all my might
    My love for you has become too strong
    That I cannot bare to be away for long

    Last night I cried a sea of tears
    Hoping they’d wash away my fears

    I want to hate her I really do
    But I know I can’t and neither can you
    I can’t tell you what to do
    And especially not who to choose to be

    But most of all I want you to choose me




    Submitted on 2012-01-07 15:19:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think it needs to break more outside of the box. The rhyming seems forced in places and some lines such,"sea of tears..." are a bit cliché. D
    | Posted on 2012-01-09 00:00:00 | by malcolmknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm right there with ya hun. I feel this close to home. This is a very good piece, and I am glad you wrote it. I am going to watch you closely, because I believe that many more good piece are left inside you.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193866

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Love written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry