[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: kozmo.dots

    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1384
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1088

       I am so sorry I haven't commented in forever :c I will go on a commenting spree sometime soon, I'm just busy and blahhh! D: I apologize profusely!! Or you can ask if you want me to comment on something, I'll check it out!

    So this piece...mm. based on the guy I named it after.
    he inspired/s me to write.
    and yeah, i don't know.
    i miss him
    oh goodness why are a lot of things I write about him
    feel free to leave hate. (:

    EDIT: Ah man, we broke up. Heh. No hard feelings though, it was... yeah. ><

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Hair splayed on a pillow into the cosmos
    Stars on her fingertips
    Supernovas in her eyes
    Moonlight lying on her lips
    Comets streaking her ribs
    and black holes erupting her lungs.

    Each strand: a galaxy
    a new exploration,
    crumpled at his hand;
    worlds discovered.

    Brightness beneath the nerves
    Illuminates everything she feels
    Shooting stars flee,
    constellations forming.

    The burning begins lower
    and creeps up, time goes
    on, anticipation building
    into white-hot wonder.

    Light leaks through
    this rocky lens. Sensitive to
    time and place, through this
    membrane things feel different.

    Streaking through spaces
    Raising the bone belts
    in the solar system
    underneath her skin

    Slow everything down to
    the atom, he rips a void
    in her breathing and
    they lose themselves.

    Submitted on 2012-01-08 03:13:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the presentation of this...the opener is almost like the beginning of an essay...the thesis, the plan of development and then the details for each part of the plan...

    each feeling provoked by loving this person..what he did to you, what he still does to you...

    the lingering after effects even after the relationship has burned out, like a shooting star.

    the speaker still feels the light, the heat, the longing....

    i found several past relationships in some way still have a profound effect on me...they linger..some part of them...yes, they still do.

    oh how your writing continues to grow...

    very good stuff here.

    | Posted on 2012-09-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this!
    This guy must be pretty cool for you to write something this unique...It's a different format but it's still good!
    People are the best inspiration :)
    | Posted on 2012-01-13 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]