Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: square wondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 1139
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 168



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssquare wondots
    -------------------------------------------


    sometimes

    the brightest light shines
    from the darkest places

    said

    the gray wisp of smoke
    that was once a girl




    Submitted on 2012-01-10 12:55:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this makes me think of circle. or maybe the square ones won. found more simple logic. idk. your work is always good but i don't get half of what you mean sometimes with these small ones. i think of it like a circle/cycle in a square. the circle lost because the cycle got stuck in the square. i guess that's my take. hopefully it's slightly a give.
    | Posted on 2014-06-06 00:00:00 | by RyanJoseph | [ Reply to This ]
      ...and didn't she almost shine so well
    Said her demons with a grin..
    But darkness always falls
    At the same time, same place..
    Over and over again.
    | Posted on 2012-08-11 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      Ever notice how when you think the room is light proof...a crack of sunlight always seems to make its way in?
    | Posted on 2012-04-27 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      A very haunting piece. Like another commenter, I'd like to know more about the smoke-girl and her situation. I love the fact that even though she was "once a girl" she can still look for the silver lining. You've captured both sadness and hope in this poem--very well done.
    J
    | Posted on 2012-02-17 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good piece. I love how it is short and simple yet effectively personifies what you wanted to say. Great job.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2012-01-25 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      this is quite haunting, Bill. whenever i meet someone new i always think to myself, how they got to the state they are in. ive met men with 4.0 and two degrees from a major university that had lost everything and was now living in an abandon building smoking crack. etc...when i read this tale i cant help but think to myself, how did she become but a wisp? you always say so much in such few words...


    thats my 2 pence worth

    jp
    | Posted on 2012-01-13 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, i kind of see a girl who has either wasted away from drugs...

    or a prostitute who sees herself as only a shadow because she is ashamed...

    and yet someone sees what she was, what she could be again...and realizes she still has a heart and soul...

    i like the title..the play on "One"---

    love short pieces like this.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-01-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, oh, what's the story behind this image?????? Anyway I think it's an excellent "tiny poem" because it has that haiku virtue of pathos and also got me going anyway!
    | Posted on 2012-01-10 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I find this strangely romantic in a way. I read the first part and was like "eh", but then the second half was like "huh"

    and then I tried it backwards

    "the gray wisp of smoke
    that was once a girl

    said

    the brightest light shines
    from the darkest places

    sometimes"

    And it makes sense either way...which is rather poetic on its own.

    Something about this piece that I just love.

    Very cool

    Matt

    | Posted on 2012-01-10 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this reminds me of that proverbial "seedy" side of town shadey bar with the smell of stale beer & cigarette smoke but through it all you can always find beauty brighter then the glow of fluorescents or jukebox glare.
    Or the ghost of a lover coming through in smoke rings hauntingly hovering as a halo never quite able to let her go.
    Oh yes this is wonderful from all angles!!
    The smoke is wise...I love watching smoke...whisps and clouds. Small things amuse and all I guess.
    Honestly Bill, you have a gift of words (we all do) not everyone knows how to string them together so they sing life's poetic songs. I've not always been able to critique or even give good feedback but you have always held my attention and swept me away!

    Well done Sir :)
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2012-01-10 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193888

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    This written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the end written by Janesaddiction

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry