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    dots Submission Name: olddots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 573
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 472


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    We wash the days from the cinder sky and stop for moments to wonder over crossed mountains with
    gardens dancing in the gaps of uncounted breaths beneath a seedless moon,
    lasting time was inconsequential to wandering thoughts with chests bared to heaven,
    barren and pure with
    smiles unspent,
    and so, I sit here counting the feathers you left behind,
    finding myself in the spaces between them..


    Submitted on 2012-01-12 17:44:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "finding myself in the spaces between them"

    love how that complements the line before it...

    the "seedless moon" part i really like too...but wanted a "planting" or "garden" type reference to show up in the second stanza to complement that line also.

    emotions roar here...like thunder in the sky.

    | Posted on 2012-01-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      the prepositions worked extremely well here.
    and my favorite line:
    'uncounted breaths traded beneath a seedless moon,'
    it's just beautiful, really.

    Took me a while to get a proper meaning/image.
    But I got it...
    the 'you' is with the 'I' and everything is perfect, until they get urge to fly, with chests bared to heaven....great imagery....and leave feathers behind...affective imagery....

    Great write

    | Posted on 2012-01-13 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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