Smack [Me] by brunov68

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Smack [Me] dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	brunov68
ASL Info:	22/M/Toronto
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 311/320/30
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	374
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	632

Description:
Written very quickly, in minutes..just after my last endevour with..guess what drug?? Please drop a line or two about the poem or even about the drug itself...thanks alot.

Smack [Me] dots

-------------------------------------------

Cannot wait
tighten the belt
brain irate,
about to melt.
Got the spoon
need my spit,
to boil with
this precious shit.
Where's the lighter
to heat the bread
hurry up!
My soul is dead.
Syringe ready
picked a vein,
track marks-
deceiving train.
Needle in skin
craving the drug
as I pushed off
two holes were dug.
Instant bliss
that I did long
does me so good
doing me wrong.
Another chapter
an endless tale-
me vs. reality,
who will prevail?

Submitted on 2004-08-01 01:28:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  yeah ok loved the poem-but stop the drugs [censored]! you are better than that so i hope you don't do that anymore. the poem is powerful in that it's an insight to the mind while doing that. i like the way you presented it though**
| Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  This first half of this was sweet.
But then you ruined it with your woah is me apathy.
Its hard to feel sorry for someone that so closely identifies with their own demons. Its obvious that you want the addiction to win so that someone will notice you.

MyX
| Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome rhymes in this piece... I won't point out a favorite line though because the bottem line is that you are doing a bad drug and I'm scared for you.. You tell me to be happy and not do bad things... yet you do. You need to try fighting this. I know I'm stuggling with a few of my own problems in which I hurt myself... but I'm trying to stop it. You should too. You're an awesome person and you need to always remember that. Be happy.
Brooke
| Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting piece...the poem was welll-written...but i totally hate you because you lack control in yourself...drugs sucks! it will destroy your future...u have talent but if you won't stop taking it...then it will be as useless as wastes...well, sorry i know it's none of my business...i like your ppoem though but i just hate you...
meh,
jen
| Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
  I wouldn't assume that because you wrote a poem about using smack that it means you personaly use it, but if you do, well, you may have lots of themes to write poems off of in the future, poems of regret, poems of life in jail, poems about iv diseases. Not a good way to catch your muse.
But the poem was well done. So you do have talent, even though you are worried about that. (journal)
Dave
| Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  You're playomg with fire there, my friend. I've known a couple of people who thought that they could use heroin recreationally, and it turned into a full-blown addiction very quickly.
| Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  don't mean to preach, but i can tell you easily who will prevail unless you can get an upper hand. this ain't no [censored] to mess with! it is a powerful poem, but the middle says it all, "My soul is dead..." is that how you want to live your life? addiction isn't something to mess with, 'specially the one you're dealing with. get help.
| Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm...interesting.
i dunno...this drug habit of yours? probably not such a good thing...opinion, but factually-based...ummm, what else...smack is bad bad BAD [censored], dude...from Boston i've seen a whole lot of messy stuff happen as result of this, you get so you need it to live. i hope this isn't where you're at. people with addiction like that are incapable of loving anything...they are too paralyzed by this incredible voracious need to, as you say, do your self wrong...its not taking you away from anything, you know..its all still right there waiting for you when you get back from your high...Listen to a song called "Sister Morphine" by the Rolling Stones, it's got some good lyrics and its real sad and sour and drug-hell realistic. i know, trust me...well anyway, i'm done lecturing you for the moment...talk to ya later, decent piece you got here. ~april
| Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this. Another personal experience. Hmmm "Dick Me", "Smack Me" I see a pattern emerging lol. So much imagrey, step by step. The endingwas great. Left you thinking and hanging. Keep it up. Your "quick writes" seem to be coming along well
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked how each line was short it made it go by faster and provided good imagery at least for me.great job. ill read any work you have.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice. I like the way you keep the lines short, so as to maintain a feeling of urgency. I particularly like "Does me good/doing me wrong." It's pretty paradoxical, which I enjoy immensely in poetry.

On the negative side... There's only one s in "precious," and those last two lines seem a bit redundant to me; using "will prevail" twice like that. It's probably just personal preference, though. Good work.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by Moose_Jive | [ Reply to This ]
  go smacked out dude. do you mind if i steal your walet while your passed out on the floor? nice short bid of work. sorry my coment sucks im too tired to write good
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
  well. i can sort of relate. all though never ingections but meh... it is all the same. adiction is addiction no matter what form it comes in. but i know the feeling so it was realyl easy to read. again you like to make the lines not quite compleete but it works out quite well. i like it.
~Shadow
| Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.