[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 445
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735

       idk just bsing with some random thoughts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Walk on through
    The shadows
    of this dying day.
    Move forward
    Ever wandering
    Outside the light.
    Whisper her name
    Like sour milk
    On your silver tongue.
    Watch the sun
    Fall and the moon
    A subtle mockery
    Of your shambling journey.
    Stare at the
    Tears that plummet
    To the ground
    At your stumbling feet.
    Show no pain
    In the faces of
    Your fellow man.
    Bottle the hailstorm
    Within till you
    Pass from sight.
    Paste a smile
    Force a laugh,
    And rage inside
    Your own soul.
    Feel all things holy
    Deny you
    And spit in your face.

    Submitted on 2012-01-25 02:16:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well i guess I'm the first to comment so I would say this feel very done before. We've all felt this way. I know I've written poems like this, they are valid in their own right. I won't critique the subject so much as the wording the dying days is a bit done to death I'll guilty of using it. Silver tongue is a bit cliché as well. There is a certain beauty to this type of poem in the fact that anyone can relate; most of us have been through hell as we perceive it, but I'm interested in the story your story. Why should I read your work when there are hundreds or thousands of poems similar on this site. Your story is unique, that's what I want to read. Now I'm no writing guru I just know what I'm after as a reader. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds in I am just tell me to @##!$ off and I'll leave you alone. But if you would like me to keep reading I will in the few minutes I spend on elite per week. Thanks

    oh I like the bit from the hailstorm down as well as the reiteration of dying day by the sun falling and moon rising
    | Posted on 2012-01-28 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    Records I written by Raphael
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Love written by saartha
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]