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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735

       idk just bsing with some random thoughts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Walk on through
    The shadows
    of this dying day.
    Move forward
    Ever wandering
    Outside the light.
    Whisper her name
    Like sour milk
    On your silver tongue.
    Watch the sun
    Fall and the moon
    A subtle mockery
    Of your shambling journey.
    Stare at the
    Tears that plummet
    To the ground
    At your stumbling feet.
    Show no pain
    In the faces of
    Your fellow man.
    Bottle the hailstorm
    Within till you
    Pass from sight.
    Paste a smile
    Force a laugh,
    And rage inside
    Your own soul.
    Feel all things holy
    Deny you
    And spit in your face.

    Submitted on 2012-01-25 02:16:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well i guess I'm the first to comment so I would say this feel very done before. We've all felt this way. I know I've written poems like this, they are valid in their own right. I won't critique the subject so much as the wording the dying days is a bit done to death I'll guilty of using it. Silver tongue is a bit cliché as well. There is a certain beauty to this type of poem in the fact that anyone can relate; most of us have been through hell as we perceive it, but I'm interested in the story your story. Why should I read your work when there are hundreds or thousands of poems similar on this site. Your story is unique, that's what I want to read. Now I'm no writing guru I just know what I'm after as a reader. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds in I am just tell me to @##!$ off and I'll leave you alone. But if you would like me to keep reading I will in the few minutes I spend on elite per week. Thanks

    oh I like the bit from the hailstorm down as well as the reiteration of dying day by the sun falling and moon rising
    | Posted on 2012-01-28 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]

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