The movement of this poem is delicious. The aspect of snow wetting the wetlands gives everything a place both in relevance to everything else (the snow & wetlands, the wetlands & cattails, evergreens & rabbit holes) as well as setting; a time both in the sense of the season & in that this is a cue for what will follow. It makes me think of someone who uses the land rather than square boxes on a piece of paper as their calendar to figure out when the time has come for this or that. There is the preparation that precedes the action.
& packing up is a putting-everything-in-its place & seeing how to fit things & leaving behind what can't. I love the elliptical edge of the final stanza. It's going on & leaves the reader with that sense of departure. Daniel hit the mark with fullness & density; there's just this readiness & acceptance & acknowledgement.
It's just wonderful Kelsey. A bit of a fawning response, but that's your fault.
Tells you what you already know as a good poem probably should. Although I like how it's to do with leaving a place that seems more like a place worth traveling to. Like the first three stanzas give off fresh air, a kind of wildness that you are escaping rather than searching for. Home could be in the arctic and therefore grow stale (though I can't imagine it). Then your travel bag of images and memories to take with you. I like the wording of this poem, how it evades "it's" and "thes" and "likes". Ha it actually doesn't but it seems to because you compact it so well.
this is good enough i will read it a few times and come back to it.
that's good, when offering critique, the simple process of that can actually alter how you feel about the poem.
Snow wets the
is gorgeous, wetting something wet, which seems like an odd thought, since you imagine the wetlands as being self sourced, but I guess all things come from some thing, so the way that snow softly falls
meshing the idea of a thing of surface and a thing of air, that's really cool that alien factor (the snow) and a really classy way to introduce a concept and a poem.
Around the cattails
a heavy fog forms
sharp and cold
I like the way things are paired. Cattails' reaching for the air, and around them what is lush and the earth and is permanent.
if you look at it the fog is a structural pairing with the strophe above it because it is offering a contrast, and more directly, within that little section there is the air theme again and the impermanence of fog next to those evergreens and the rabbit holes, and the contrast again, lush and connotations of warmth v transient and sharp and cold. So, already the poem is a beast.
Everything in its place
huddled down but
the contrast in this, in it's place, everything - the size and scope and statement
huddled down, which seems odd, how can.....?
but, this is lovely and this is why it works. (everything in its place/huddled down)
and, how the but is right there beside the huddled down, purposefully.
me, I am leaving, I am
laden with bags, I
am carrying it all
huddled down, in tune with nature, all these pairings and contrasts throughout the poem which give the reader an intense awareness of the narrator's awareness and connectedness with her surroundings.
So, the last bit, with the structural enjambments and the repetition of i is fantastic.
she is laden, she is straightening up.
facing up to the new reality, and this makes her fondness (for the time, the place) seem like a dreaming. she is laden, she is straightening up.
you = great writer.
I guess I should add that I like that the poem makes me feel as if the leaving would be a great hardship .... when i left my kids to go back to nz.
when - i left my mum and nz to go back to my kids. this is love.
it (the poem) carries a fullness, and density
and so, as a story, it captivates me, your story.