Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: nonsensedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 469
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 490



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnonsensedots
    -------------------------------------------


    One day a savior will come
    to blow paper boats along.
    One day the answer will appear
    to every question and song.

    Barbed extremes flew by
    and each had a name to call.
    A wish granted to seeking eyes
    reassures redemption from a fall.

    But oh, we cry when split apart
    and night seems to be calling still.
    Maybe there is iron to be carved
    if the only distraction is the heart.

    Svw




    Submitted on 2012-01-30 14:17:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      But you make very fine verse.
    | Posted on 2012-01-31 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the idea of someone coming along to fix the relationship...or just fix our broken heart.

    love the allusions to religion.the saviour, redemption...somewhere in the third stanza...would like to see that analogy continued with another reference...to give the poem symmetry.

    but nice visions here...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-01-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This one touches me. I really wish I could write down the things you talk about. I sometimes think I let my emotions have too much control over me on certain subjects, that when I write them, it comes out all wrong.

    "One day a savior will come
    to blow paper boats along.
    One day the answer will appear
    to every question and song."

    It seems like everyone's wish doesn't it? For someone to come along and pick up the pieces, and yet even when they do, some are too small to place back together. I like the simplicity of your poem. It gets to the heart of the subject without going into a long drawn out spiel. Hm. Never knew spiel was spelled with an 'i' :) things you learn through spell check eh? (Thank you FF)

    "But oh, we cry when split apart
    and night seems to be calling still.
    Maybe there is iron to be carved
    if the only distraction is the heart."

    I'm not sure if this is correct, it just seems so to me when I go over it. Should "But oh, we cry when split apart" be "But oh, we cry, when split apart"? Hm, something seems off there even on that. Maybe the whole "oh" is just throwing me off slightly and it really isn't anything.

    I like this part the most. It seems to draw on ones feelings and gives it a finality that I really like. Hm. I think I say like a lot when it comes to your work. Not sure how much help that is going to be if I like everything I read. But it also means that I find you exceptional when it comes to writing. So that could be a good thing :)

    Well done my friend.

    ~Nikki
    | Posted on 2012-01-30 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194068

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry