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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Means To An Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blue Monk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1547/457/118
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 582
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 567



    Description:
       Very old but not yet cold.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMeans To An Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    We loved him like a brother but we could not hear his cry,

    our own ears full of merryment and singlemindedness,

    yet there he was, our soul sibling, making forth to die,

    blinded by distractions, we saw not his distress.


    Too late we hear the depths to which he fathomed all alone,

    who understands, who has not known the darkness which grabs hold?

    How many tears have fallen, but how many to condone,

    our ignorance and callousness for our friend lying cold.




    Submitted on 2012-02-02 13:33:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you conveyed the sadness in this piece. There was also a sense of a great trust that was broken...as if friends had let other friends go unnoticed in their time of need.

    My only suggestion would be this...I would have broken each line up into two lines. There are natural pauses and breaks (it would seem) throughout your poem in these places. This is a preference thing, so it's not to say the work needs any adjustment at all...it's just a thought, only thought...

    Peace,

    K
    | Posted on 2012-02-19 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      You're pretty good with the rhyme and meter deal. The meter suits the subject for solemnity, and when a person isn't fudging everything technically it allows for a beast that will pull you in.

    (beast = terminology for good poem).

    You're saying: life is not in the aftermath. A death gives people surrounding enough of a shock to look at things right, after the fact it sort of adds to the crying.

    That's why I like the poem, it mourns and attaches a feeling, but it also gives you something you can walk away with and tuck in your pocket. A layered work, to feel something and mean something.
    | Posted on 2012-02-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      You ask how many tears are shed to condone the ignorance. I think none to condone. Probably many to lament it as the speaker does here.

    And yet, as little as Laura's words might comfort--they are true.

    We all suffer. But as the Buddha points out, suffering, like happiness and anger are all temporary feelings. It is truly sad that this person in the poem didn't cling to that in his time of deepest anguish, but it is not anyone else's fault that he didn't.

    Could a kind or empathetic word have moved him past a point of self-destruction? Perhaps. And to lament that is only human. Guilt is human, too, but neither can untell this tragic tale. Ultimately, the journey was his alone to take.

    I am sorry for your loss. This is a very touching elegy.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2012-02-03 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      We can only take responsibility for our own souls.
    A fact that offers no comfort in a situation like this, but a fact none the less.


    "who understands, who has not known the darkness which grabs hold?"

    Who, indeed.

    A very poignant write, Lloyd. And a heartfelt tribute.
    Well done.
    | Posted on 2012-02-02 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is sad...all that guilt shared and yet, how were we to know?

    there are so many distractions in life that keep us from seeing the truth, even when it is right in front of us.

    moving piece, my friend.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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