Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A case of deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Riddle/Comedy
    Total Views: 934
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       Just for laughs


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA case of deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    And then we became the thing
    we always feared,
    I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,
    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Just blink,
    this too shall pass.

    Svw




    Submitted on 2012-02-04 09:00:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,

    I especially like the space between these lines. It feels like maybe the riddle sleeps between them.

    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Such gorgeous lines in such sweet succession.

    I think maybe the full meaning of this piece is beyond my grasp (unless the comment about it being just for laughs is sarcastic-- ah, but then, I still might not fully get it), but I love the images and the way they evoke these strange impressions from me. Like Ryan, I see little vignettes with each line.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2012-02-08 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      seems liek you're playing around with the labeling of things here. comedy more in a divine-comedy/Shakespearean sense. sounds like it's about coldness. heartlessness. a death just for laughs. i don't know that's my take. interesting word use. kind of makes alot of little stories in my head. they all seem to have a dark tone. but maybe that's me?
    | Posted on 2012-02-06 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      As below... and still thinking... about the silky skin.
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting how we can have intentions of giving a laugh to our audience...but something subconcsious is in the piece that is quite serious indeed...

    and the humor often can make it hit harder...

    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      like a box turtle crossing the road...we have so many here on our back roads where i live...
    i stop...pick them up and hurl them into the woods to get them off the dangerous roads...

    and the reaction?

    a hiss and into the shell...

    and women? sometimes the same reaction happens...

    a hiss, into the shell...and then a very slow coming out..or not.

    "the rivers that could have been" but then box turtles don't like water...so it is futile...

    i have felt in the past what i feel in this poem...

    what could have been...but it is like some relationships where we come along just at the right time to save someone who is crossing that road from a bad relationship---we can make that person feel better about him or herself...but once we have them off the road, it is "thanks, see ya later"---and we are left sitting back in the car wondering what happened.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194142

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    ME written by jjd
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    This written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry