Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A case of deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Riddle/Comedy
    Total Views: 1007
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       Just for laughs


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA case of deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    And then we became the thing
    we always feared,
    I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,
    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Just blink,
    this too shall pass.

    Svw




    Submitted on 2012-02-04 09:00:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,

    I especially like the space between these lines. It feels like maybe the riddle sleeps between them.

    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Such gorgeous lines in such sweet succession.

    I think maybe the full meaning of this piece is beyond my grasp (unless the comment about it being just for laughs is sarcastic-- ah, but then, I still might not fully get it), but I love the images and the way they evoke these strange impressions from me. Like Ryan, I see little vignettes with each line.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2012-02-08 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      seems liek you're playing around with the labeling of things here. comedy more in a divine-comedy/Shakespearean sense. sounds like it's about coldness. heartlessness. a death just for laughs. i don't know that's my take. interesting word use. kind of makes alot of little stories in my head. they all seem to have a dark tone. but maybe that's me?
    | Posted on 2012-02-06 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      As below... and still thinking... about the silky skin.
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting how we can have intentions of giving a laugh to our audience...but something subconcsious is in the piece that is quite serious indeed...

    and the humor often can make it hit harder...

    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      like a box turtle crossing the road...we have so many here on our back roads where i live...
    i stop...pick them up and hurl them into the woods to get them off the dangerous roads...

    and the reaction?

    a hiss and into the shell...

    and women? sometimes the same reaction happens...

    a hiss, into the shell...and then a very slow coming out..or not.

    "the rivers that could have been" but then box turtles don't like water...so it is futile...

    i have felt in the past what i feel in this poem...

    what could have been...but it is like some relationships where we come along just at the right time to save someone who is crossing that road from a bad relationship---we can make that person feel better about him or herself...but once we have them off the road, it is "thanks, see ya later"---and we are left sitting back in the car wondering what happened.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194142

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry