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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A case of deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Riddle/Comedy
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       Just for laughs


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA case of deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    And then we became the thing
    we always feared,
    I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,
    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Just blink,
    this too shall pass.

    Svw




    Submitted on 2012-02-04 09:00:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I tried to pick you up each time
    but the shell was too strong.

    A riddle sleeps in between all
    the rivers that could've been,

    I especially like the space between these lines. It feels like maybe the riddle sleeps between them.

    A tearing of silky skin to
    wrench lips from this offering.

    Such gorgeous lines in such sweet succession.

    I think maybe the full meaning of this piece is beyond my grasp (unless the comment about it being just for laughs is sarcastic-- ah, but then, I still might not fully get it), but I love the images and the way they evoke these strange impressions from me. Like Ryan, I see little vignettes with each line.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2012-02-08 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      seems liek you're playing around with the labeling of things here. comedy more in a divine-comedy/Shakespearean sense. sounds like it's about coldness. heartlessness. a death just for laughs. i don't know that's my take. interesting word use. kind of makes alot of little stories in my head. they all seem to have a dark tone. but maybe that's me?
    | Posted on 2012-02-06 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      As below... and still thinking... about the silky skin.
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting how we can have intentions of giving a laugh to our audience...but something subconcsious is in the piece that is quite serious indeed...

    and the humor often can make it hit harder...

    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      like a box turtle crossing the road...we have so many here on our back roads where i live...
    i stop...pick them up and hurl them into the woods to get them off the dangerous roads...

    and the reaction?

    a hiss and into the shell...

    and women? sometimes the same reaction happens...

    a hiss, into the shell...and then a very slow coming out..or not.

    "the rivers that could have been" but then box turtles don't like water...so it is futile...

    i have felt in the past what i feel in this poem...

    what could have been...but it is like some relationships where we come along just at the right time to save someone who is crossing that road from a bad relationship---we can make that person feel better about him or herself...but once we have them off the road, it is "thanks, see ya later"---and we are left sitting back in the car wondering what happened.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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