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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Arrangementdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 315
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 755



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Arrangementdots
    -------------------------------------------


    These words here

    are set aside

    to make more meaning of them.

    While
    these
    drip
    down
    in
    sardonic
    sentiment.

    All of them are meant to take you
    to the garden of my youth
    (now and long after I'm dead
    and gone):

    where rhubarb ruts toward lilac's lavender fragrance,
    and pink peonies sit in shade of
    the tall, skinny sway of one red cedar.
    Every so often it leans out past pear and crabapple
    and rolling lawn to
    the tart red currants I pluck

    to taunt the tongue...




    Submitted on 2012-02-05 14:59:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      More meaning! I reckon most poets have enough command of their art to pump up meaning in their own ways; but sometimes I wonder if many poets take on the difficult topics ... whatever those seem to be, for each person!

    I don't think this topic means a lot, although your poem is an ornament to it and a delight to read!
    | Posted on 2012-07-02 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Looking below, 'nuff said. (and all good).
    This begins to look like a contest on who can write the very best comment, which of course is all true. There are already words written, however, that I cannot match so let me stand as a "ditto".
    | Posted on 2012-02-07 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just excellent, Jane!
    I really love how you set this one up--I had the most sardonic grin on my face while I read this.

    And I love the little allusion to the immortalization that poetry can bring us.
    Long after my death, these words will bring you back to my youth.

    Really, really good stuff.

    Matt

    I'm glad to be back. I miss reading my favorite poets!
    | Posted on 2012-02-07 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is kind of fun. i don't know. i think it's not all satirical/ at least not the jump out your face kind. sardonic fits, except for the last stanza. it does taunt the tounge doesn't it? i feel like your playing around with execution and expressing the dual edged sword of these kinds of things. most of us satiring poetry are frustrated about times in our lives and states of mind where we are thinking poetically and the whole positive feeling turns into those kinds of feelings. currants seems like a play on words. like a dried berry, or a current. red as in agression/anger/etc. how it all tastes odd. confusing emotions and whatnot. but thats my take or at least would be my meaning when writing it. everything we write has some source.
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      ah the sardonic poetry..as we make fun of ourselves...

    i think we should take what we do very seriously...but not ourselves...

    i like what santi said about ferlinghetti....who is one of my favorites...his placement of words is exceptional and meaningful...

    but sometimes arrangement distracts from the wonder of the words themselves...and may draw too much attention to itself...

    i think the arrangement might be to let the words speak for themselves...and hold the power of impact much more than what the visual might do.

    again, spacing works really well sometimes...but then sometimes it distracts and detracts.

    nice work here jane...

    "the words which are set aside"

    will come into play later.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Poking some fun, eh?

    I am pretty sure I don't have a sardonic bone in my body -- or if I do it's the smallest one that I believe is the ear bone. That said, I do enjoy this. It becomes more clever & perhaps more biting as it goes along because at first I wasn't entirely sure where it was going, not until that third line when I realized the intent.

    This type of writing is an excellent way to provide commentary in a more playful & perhaps even more hurtful fashion than just straight criticism. I can just imagine those who do utilize white space within their poetry bristling, but I think then they should stop & understand that some of them (& they should know who they are) arrange words and juxtapose white space quite well & should be at ease.

    I think of Ferlinghetti, & some of his poetry is just masterfully written & the shape and stanzas so carefully arranged. Of course then I can't tell you how many modern books of poetry I've opened up only to find everything scattered & lacking any sense. Done well, however, I think that it is simply one evolution off the chain of stanza breaks and lengths.

    Anyway, this was clever & the imagery with all its drama is well-suited for the type of writing this is as well. I was also even pained to see that there are some fantastic lines that would have been breathtaking in a poem that wasn't sardonic such as "skinny sway of one red cedar".

    & An excellent finish.
    | Posted on 2012-02-05 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]


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