[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Red-eye Gravydots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 365
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 563

       greasy misspelled on purpose

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRed-eye Gravydots

    you order

    greazy spoonfuls
    and biscuits

    I'm still drunk
    when this rip-nyloned blonde
    chewing gum for breakfast
    come to refill coffee
    thinks she'll crack wise
    asking me if I want decaf

    I watch you through the window
    as your fingers tremble when
    you light the cigarette
    your Pocahontas hair wind-locked
    to your cheeks
    your plump breasts criss-crossed inside
    a black wrap bar-dancing dress

    god how I love you

    Submitted on 2012-02-11 04:45:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i do love this little scene here. sounds like adoration and i get the sense that there's more than just the physical elements. i've always had a wee bit of a struggle expressing this, but sometimes i think looks or how we percieve them(except for the most shallow of perverts) are a mere reflection of our feelings. i've been with women that weren't text-book attractive but i found their bodies beautiful when engaged in the relathionship. it seems these were built upon false pretenses(the relathionships) but i'm going off on a tangent. either way i like how this ends. god how i love you. it's the only thing that justifies this entire human experience. for some reason this makes me think of denny's. i'm a little bit all over the place.
    | Posted on 2012-02-15 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this...he watches her...order her biscuits and gravy after her night shift...he imagines her on stage...he loves her from afar...

    the waitress sees him...pokes fun---decaf..to bring him down from his little high..

    she leaves the diner, he watches...

    nice scenario--

    if he actually met her...would he still love her...or is it just the idea of her.

    so cool....might be "comes to refill coffee"

    but she has attitude...they often do in those places...

    this reminds me of a short piece i read once called "lou's place"

    i may be far away in interp. but this is how it spoke to me...one of my favorites from you.

    | Posted on 2012-02-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Cover written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]