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    dots Submission Name: marred notionsdots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615


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    dotsmarred notionsdots

    I'll crush you into glass
    and fill up my holes,
    pull a needle tightly
    with poisoned heart strings
    to seal future scars.

    I'll carry a shot of your soul,
    blend it with molotov dreams
    to clog my chest against
    torn nails and denied impulses
    gathering war-seeds.

    I'll pierce my eyes to
    bleed out the hate and
    poison the thoughts that
    stir the core of pain
    felt over a heart
    that exists no more,

    whatever it takes to ring the bell of severance.


    Submitted on 2012-02-11 07:43:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow, the bitterness is intensely described here through some colorful metaphors...

    especially like the idea in the first stanza..."pull a needle tightly/ with poisoned heart strings"

    quite good that one is...

    the third stanza doesn't read to me as cohesively as the other two...the metaphor feels a bit broken up there..

    would like to see that one worked a bit

    but there is strength in these words...as emily dickinson said.."words have the power to heal, but they also have the power to kill."

    | Posted on 2012-02-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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