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    dots Submission Name: Honeysuckle Sunshine Wine & Itdots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 75/182/217
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1861

       Who is it? What is it? Are we it?

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    dots Honeysuckle Sunshine Wine & Itdots

    The sun you see is not what it appears to be-
    Is it he?
    The warmth of absolution that you'll be paid for oblation.
    A notion fighting like attrition-
    Thought for thought...
    Step by step...
    Life, life...
    How beautifully disgusting it is.
    The weak feeding on the weak...
    While the strong stand by-
    Laughing inside of their realms like Olympian Gods.
    A world they built-
    Empires perceived as greed and vanity-
    Idols we emulate- hate and dissipate.
    Searching idly for a villain-
    It tastes of wine / some strong and some dry.
    We always seem to pour our glasses high-
    The overflowing drama of our own kingdom-
    -our own time to shine...
    That sweet flavor of honeysuckle,
    golden time.
    Nodding off to dreams,
    Suppose it was always meant to be?
    Nothing but but what it told us to see?
    Meaningless are these things-
    Thoughts of our own,
    whimsical and fun;
    dark and overgrown,
    with scars like thorny veins-
    Keep out- Run-
    Poison set in, deep felt is it with pain...
    A labyrinth it creates-
    They wish and them awake;
    Monsters they imitate- A mirror behind-
    Eyes... Watch it and their eyes.
    There it sat, body of Christ in hand.
    Devour the saviors blood.
    Tilt the hourglass-
    Tilt times fateful sands...
    Each grain that stacks-
    Each grain that stands...
    Enjoy the taste of the sunshine's wine.
    Drop by drop it awakens life-
    Dripping cool, refreshing the light...
    ...it feels right in the end...
    After all we're it controlling us...
    Man guiding man?

    Submitted on 2012-02-13 17:40:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I was feeding the kid in her highchair this morning, still in pjs, when a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses (the spelling of witnesses looks funny to me, oh well.) stopped at my door and they handed me a workbook and basically told me there was nothing after we die, pulled out some verse from Etruscans. They asked me if I was worried about what would happen after I died...I told them I wasn't, that I was too busy living and worrying about that. Anyhow, I'm not sure how that relates to your work, but your poem brought that recent memory back to the forefront of my mind.

    Your piece is very pretty. The placement of the ending rhymes rolls off the tongue and it feels like every other line is a question, even when not punctuated that way. Its the intonation I think. It may read easier broken up into stanzas.

    I especially like the excerpt:

    It tastes of wine / some strong and some dry.
    We always seem to pour our glasses high-
    The overflowing drama of our own kingdom-
    -our own time to shine...
    That sweet flavor of honeysuckle,
    golden time."

    That lil diddy by itself is really nice. Good work and Good Afternoon.

    | Posted on 2012-03-14 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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