Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shiverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 414
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 399



    Description:
       This is kind of a rewrite of the other "Shiver" piece I did. I also played around with it as a journal entry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShiverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the moonlight and the light from my porch
    conspire to create wide rays that spread across the lawn.
    dead leaves and dead grass sparkle
    tiny diamond drops
    of star and cold.
    a shiver
    climbs branches to reach
    frosty tips.
    no tears spill here.
    I finally see the pinpricks in the sky
    as a million suns bigger than I can think.




    Submitted on 2012-02-13 18:30:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The shiver...the involuntary muscle spasm that gives us warmth. Tries to bring us back to a state of equilibrium...

    that's what I see here.
    Maybe the involuntary spasm can act as faith...no, a battle of the internal fighting the external??
    I don't know...but it pointed your head towards the sky,
    and you have some pretty big thoughts
    to offer some perspective

    I love this

    Matt
    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      That's a very nice view. I really like the closing.
    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      i think we shiver at all the bad things in life---it gives us a chill and can really make us depressed...but this poem shows hope...no tears spilled, so we accept what is bad...but at the same time see the pinpricks which are hints that the sun is breaking through...even if in little increments...it is there and dawn is breaking into a better day--

    sometimes in the morning i shiver..but it is a good shiver...breaking the ice...like a rejuvenation...a starting over.

    and part of this poem i see me...the shiver climbing the branches to the frosty tips...that part of me that is closed off...the walls, the coldness...but there are stars, there is light of love...and it is breaking through.

    if i did favorites...this would be one, immediately

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194270

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    prison written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Records I written by Raphael
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry