[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Shiverdots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 419/435/131
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 463
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 399

       This is kind of a rewrite of the other "Shiver" piece I did. I also played around with it as a journal entry.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    the moonlight and the light from my porch
    conspire to create wide rays that spread across the lawn.
    dead leaves and dead grass sparkle
    tiny diamond drops
    of star and cold.
    a shiver
    climbs branches to reach
    frosty tips.
    no tears spill here.
    I finally see the pinpricks in the sky
    as a million suns bigger than I can think.

    Submitted on 2012-02-13 18:30:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The shiver...the involuntary muscle spasm that gives us warmth. Tries to bring us back to a state of equilibrium...

    that's what I see here.
    Maybe the involuntary spasm can act as faith...no, a battle of the internal fighting the external??
    I don't know...but it pointed your head towards the sky,
    and you have some pretty big thoughts
    to offer some perspective

    I love this

    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      That's a very nice view. I really like the closing.
    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      i think we shiver at all the bad things in life---it gives us a chill and can really make us depressed...but this poem shows hope...no tears spilled, so we accept what is bad...but at the same time see the pinpricks which are hints that the sun is breaking through...even if in little increments...it is there and dawn is breaking into a better day--

    sometimes in the morning i shiver..but it is a good shiver...breaking the ice...like a rejuvenation...a starting over.

    and part of this poem i see me...the shiver climbing the branches to the frosty tips...that part of me that is closed off...the walls, the coldness...but there are stars, there is light of love...and it is breaking through.

    if i did favorites...this would be one, immediately

    | Posted on 2012-02-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Genesis written by saartha
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]