Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Havent felt my heartbeat in this rhythm beforedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 265
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1525



    Description:
       just a real quick freestyle to a bunch of older R&B instromentals


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHavent felt my heartbeat in this rhythm beforedots
    -------------------------------------------


    a little time is all i asked for.
    Now we hooked, figuring out who this that shine's bright as the North Star.
    I changed the locks and she becoming a locksmith.
    A wonderful,amazing beautiful woman who you can say is fantastic, ocean 13 talented; lock picked my subconscious.
    Had a genie and you where all three wishes.
    he thought of you is haunting my imgaination, dreams, reality call it alicea keys my "boo" but for now i got to keep it cool and move slow.
    A time line from sunrise to the dead of night ill listen to your wants,needs,dreams and fantasy.
    Never need to wipe those tears alone, can i be always be right there by your side as the stars are to the moon, and a dozen roses ares to valentines?
    You and I, no one can deny this chemistry.
    Far away from the typical guy , be your anitode and your everything, your remedy.
    whispering sweet nothings with such a innocent soft lullaby voice.
    Its amazing how u knocked me off my feet and know finding myself askin the boys for advice.
    Looking right the though those fake blues and see the woman who could take over the world.
    Lost and confused most of this life, you could be the ray of sunlight on a cold gloomy winter day, never a day i wouldn't be hypnotize by you and your beauty. michelangelo sistine chapel has no better model of a angel then you!
    give you everything mind, body, and soul
    all comes down to how much time you want spend...




    Submitted on 2012-02-16 10:18:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty cool. I think it could be smoother though. Like in certain parts like this:

    can i be always be right

    I think it would be better with only one be.

    and at the end it looks like you meant to say time you want to spend but you left out the to.

    Still, I like it so far.
    | Posted on 2012-02-16 00:00:00 | by Temple | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194302

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Carry written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The World written by jjd
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry