[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Russian Roulettedots

    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 421
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973

       It's never easy to know that the one you want doesn't want you back.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRussian Roulettedots

    You call her your girl, you lay with me,
    How sordid, this double life you lead!
    So what if it's me you say you love,
    Baby in this game, love ain't enough.

    What has your love done but cause me pain,
    My pining for you has been in vain.
    I've seen the truth-- it's not me you want,
    You've had your chance and your time is up.

    Go back to your girl, where you belong,
    I'll write my pain and fake being strong.
    Forget the shattered remains you leave,
    Just live your life and give me relief.

    Vivid memories must sustain me,
    For no other part of you is free.
    Enjoy with her what's rightfully mine,
    Leave my brutal murder far behind.

    Never once allow yourself to feel
    Remorse for the death of something real.
    Know forever what you threw away,
    After all, baby-- it's just a game.

    Submitted on 2012-02-19 09:05:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      some of the rhymes were a bit rough, and avoid using a cliché word like 'pain', other than that this was a good piece
    | Posted on 2012-02-20 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Every..... written by jackz
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]