[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Rape of Persephonedots

    Author: Realitywarp87
    ASL Info:    25/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 27/53/63
    Words: 466
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3074

       I was inspired by Persephone's tale in Greek mythology. Very dark, and solemn. I feel unfinished with this poem , but I may add to it in time...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Rape of Persephonedots

    A seed planted by fate
    One maiden's life derailed
    Found in a peculiar state
    Thus is Persephone's tale

    Deep within the meadows
    Hidden by a mother's love
    Lives a beautiful young maiden
    Innocent as a dove
    This raven haired damsel
    With alabaster skin
    Has eyes of chatreuse
    And a most angelic grin
    Bequeathing her desires
    From gods to mortal men
    Denying their affections
    Her chasteness she defends
    Shielded, for this reason
    Thy lady's life is furled
    Kept safe and isolated
    From a most pernicious world

    On a day of leisure
    Frolicking through fields
    Picking flowers from a bed
    That her mother's garden yields
    She lies down on the grass
    In thought, basking in the sun
    Pondering what pleasures her life awaits
    And if they have, already, begun
    Little did she realize
    The answer to her musings
    Would not be that of comfort
    But would prove to be abusing
    For thy lady was ill fated
    To be seized from her abode
    And spend her days consumed by darkness
    A midst a foreign realm alone

    In an instant the Dark Lord emerged
    The King of Death, himself, arrived
    Through a cleft inside the earth
    That he had cleverly derived
    His intent not made apparent
    To the maiden's frightened glare
    He proceeds to traipse his way to her
    And make her formaly aware
    "I've discerned that my very being
    Could garner no worthy praise,
    If I did not posses an equal
    With whom to share the hell I raze.
    A lover, a companion
    In my kingdom to reside.
    A mistress to the throne,
    That dwells at my very side."

    At this the damsel starts to flee
    In hopes of avoiding capture
    But from the Devil one can't run
    And his anger blazes with rapture
    He grabs and holds her on the grass
    No room for her escape
    On this fertile, open field
    This maiden he does rape
    Her cries and screams of agony
    Wilt the ground she lies on
    The meadow and the gardens
    Are barron, dried, and bygones
    Against her wishes he hauls her down
    To the very depths of hell
    Prisoned in the underworld
    Is where this angel fell

    Hades offers an accord
    If his will she does abide
    To be free in this domain
    In turn, she does become his bride
    No hope for her salvation,
    To the terms she does agree
    Despair is what she's feeling
    For death is all she sees
    The souls of the departed
    Rejoice in mournfull screams
    Crying out in celebration
    As they bow to their new Queen
    Adorned in robes of darkest ebony
    Thy lady sits enthroned
    No mercy, love, or pity
    Has this Queen of Dread shown

    Submitted on 2012-02-19 22:21:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed the tale within this piece because the words held enough imagery for me to really grasp what was going on. I liked that it did not get caught up in the language and still told a story that made sense and was interesting. Furthermore, it is very difficult to maintain a piece with so many lines, but you did so very successfully without sacrificing the rhyme scheme. Great job!

    Now just for the sake of bringing it up, I wonder if maybe the main character is too generic. I like the idea of her being physically appealing, but I wonder what makes this piece intriguing, and what sets it apart from basic romantic prose? Is it really fair in this day and age to attribute chastity to goodness? Does upholding an archaic value system based on virginity bear any relevance to what you as a writer truly believe? Does any part of the character represent you or a cause that you advocate for? Of course, no poem has to be for anything per say, but I would love to see this piece revised and made even more original so as to step away from being commonplace.

    Good job!
    | Posted on 2012-02-20 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]