I'm innocent deep down
Not completely corrupted, by the childhood I did all I could to make stop
There are feelings there somewhere
This tough exterior is simply that
A front put on so those feelings are never seen
I'm tired of this front
Of this act
No one knows me anymore
I have no one to blame but myself...
I live within a shallow dark world where I am surrounded by several
Yet when I look into others eyes
When I see the expression on their face as they look into my eyes
I see only what I give these people
That is a nonchalant, unemotional person,
a person unable to love
My past constantly dominates my present life
The pain I feel, is nothing words could ever describe
Yet here I am attempting to do just this...
23 years old, a young woman and still I rock myself to sleep, as I silently sob
Within this darkness I have seem to thrive within thus far
Why am I changing, why is this tough exterior crumbling now?
I'm completely lost, blinded by this pain I cannot shake
The darkness that has become my home,
Sadly, darkness I have allowed to consume me
Now tangled up within its web I am desperately trying to find a way home..
A home free of darkness
A place I can be me, whom ever that may be
Where I can find the ability to love
| This is a very deep and emotive piece. Very well written indeed, however the feelings portrayed are quite hurtful. All that I can think after reading it a few times is: to give ones self up entirely, turn on the pain and destroy it, and perhaps that the reason there is no love is because there is very little worth loving in/about this world. I mean no offense, but that is what my mind thinks when reading this poem. Have a good one Jackz.|
|| Posted on 2012-05-23 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ] || Wow what an incredible write. I can relate to this and admire the way you have been able to put all these feelings into words so very well. ||| Posted on 2012-02-23 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ] || I have read a lot of your posts and I want you to know I'm very happy to see you turning this corner. I understand you don't tell the people in your life the things you confess here on ES. I think you should consider. Perhaps they'll never truly relate the depths of your anguish but if you want to learn to love again you need some candidates. Try to open up a little, let a few people in. Maybe start small but start. I mean you've got to admit your quest will never be fulfilled without some likely suspects. I don't have many people but we share love and companionship, understanding. Quite frankly I don't know what I'd do without them. You'll never let the fresh air and light in if you don't open up a few windows. |
|| Posted on 2012-02-22 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ] |