Lived my life this way for several reasons
Learned a decade ago,
Never to trust another with what you hold sacred
For if you do...
Forever, you will reside with a ball and chain around your ankle
That person will always have that piece of you
A lonely existence very much so
However, pain that another can cause
Is permanently eliminated
No possible way of becoming some sick play toy for another person's entertainment
Even with immediate family members
I only trust them the length I can throw them
By any extent of the imagination it isn't that far!
This path I have chosen to lead this empty, lonely life
Has been thanks to only one person whom is no longer welcome within my dark and dreary world
Molested for four years of my childhood
A full blown drug addict by age 18
Attempted suicide with a 12 gauge shot gun at age 20
You were my guard keeper for you were the only person who consistently remained in my life
However, you were also the warden to my soul
To the darkness that began to surround me all those years ago!!
Dotting all your "I's" and crossing your "T's", allowing your daughter feel a certain amount of pain.
My pain ... Needed your stamp of approval
This you gladly gave!!
Mother, why can’t you love me?
What is it that I did to make me unlovable in your mind?
My entire being physically aches for some type of answer
Something I know I will never have from you…
Therefore, I will forever live in a darkness I built all due to your acceptance to my four yearlong molestation at the hands of your husband
Forever, I will remain with a ball and chain around this ankle of mine
Due to my own ignorance that all Mother’s love their daughters…