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    dots Submission Name: Addison Rd.dots

    Author: Sethesin
    Elite Ratio:    3.62 - 226/173/142
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 607
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 412


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAddison Rd.dots

    Piled along the alleyway
    Amid the traffics beat
    Bins stuffed up like bouquets
    Windows fogged and discreet

    No calls today
    Or cats prowling
    Just buses filing out
    Sad and heavy, with life and luggage

    As night crawls home
    With all the pains of a new Spring
    Thawing and diluting in its streetlight
    I know I must be dreaming

    Submitted on 2012-02-27 22:39:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Visions of a busy city street come to mind after I read this poem.

    In the first four lines, the rhyming scheme fits nicely. There's also a nice rhythm (imagine tapping your foot as you read the first four lines). Jumps along pretty good.

    When you get to the second set of lines, there isn't a rhyming scheme and the rhythm doesn't seem to bounce along as easily. Was that intentional? Is it different from the first group of lines to stress a disconnection (sadness)?

    The last group of lines took me somewhere different than the first two groups. I pictured a city before dawn in the late winter. Everything is melting and wet with dirty snow. The line "As night crawls home" could mean either dusk or dawn (twilight, as it is called). Either one works...but I'd prefer dawn. It's just the visual that I perceived from your words.

    I did notice one thing in the second to the last line..."it's" should be "its".

    Thanks for posting!

    | Posted on 2012-02-29 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

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