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    dots Submission Name: We All Fall Down c. by ruejacobs 2/28/2012dots

    Author: ruejacobs
    ASL Info:    39/feminazi/Gehenna
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 619/473/167
    Words: 337
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2041

       As my youngest Grandchild, Coralyn ("Mouse") was born, my father died. That night, hwile babysitting my oldest Grandchild, I sobbed into a towel in my daughter's bathroom for fear of waking and frightening her. I wrote this for Daddy, James William Wine III. I love you Daddy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe All Fall Down c. by ruejacobs 2/28/2012dots

    In that album, its like you never existed at all
    I was born and lived fatherless
    You were a slip of paper with my date of birth and a name
    No picture except in my sisters baby book
    “Sweet Baby Days” stamped on the cover
    She had a picture and a poem to boot
    I was so jealous.

    I was taught to hate you
    To curse the name you left me with
    “Some junkie”, they told me, “Some junkie who dumped your mother
    because you were a girl
    Not a boy”
    I bore the indelible stamp of a child rejected by its parents
    She blamed me, you know
    Said if I’d been a son I’d have been named after you
    Instead I only disappointed and received a borrowed name
    Hastily agreed upon and meant to complement my sister’s
    And you, Father of the shining golden hair,
    Musician handed and scribbling sonnets to the child you loved
    Sauntered away like some phantom bard
    Leaving me to do penance for your sins
    Until I was just a ghost myself

    Three decades passed when I, Pilgrim-souled,
    prayed at the shrine of electronic memory
    And sacrificing the hearts of man to the chacmool maw of you
    I found you and called you home
    My father at last
    You told me your truths
    I compared both sides and found them wanting
    But fallacy’s twin could not faze me
    I filled in the gaps:
    Once I was loved.
    Once I had unbroken bones and the only hands that touched me
    Did so with gentleness and hope
    Once, Daddy, once
    You argued and she argued and
    your myths were as irish as hers
    Once upon a time, though
    You both loved me

    You said you were sick
    I pressed my ear to your thin chest
    Your heart like a thread unraveling there
    What possessed you to name me after fire, Father?
    See how I scorch the earth.
    Daddy, you’re ashes.
    I’ll never find you again.

    Submitted on 2012-02-28 22:43:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      and sometimes we get up and fall down on the same day...

    coincidence or fate?

    this poem is like a movie unfolding, as Daniel said...

    the pieces come, and then come together at the end with "i'll never find you again"

    and once we leave our youth, we never find that again...life just keeps moving on toward death.

    | Posted on 2012-02-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it's sad isn't it. I like this because it's controlled and informational, like a movie. You don't get everything at once and you can see bit by bit how all a life it affected a life. Not to take away from the fact it's a poem, but, to break away from the fact that it's a poem;

    kids are just kids, we were them, we are them, but as grownups we know better, when a relationship breaks down the choices are hard ones and not always yours.

    i guess i'm saying about the love thought, hold on to that.
    | Posted on 2012-02-29 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a touching elegy. I am very sorry for your loss, but glad that you got to, it would seem, maybe heal at least some very old, very deep wounds. I firmly believe that nothing a child can ever do can end a marriage, especially just being born the "wrong" gender. I'm sure you knew that deep inside. And yet, sometimes the things we are most sure of intellectually are the things that escape us emotionally. Those "internal voices" that whisper to us that our worst fears are what are really the truth can sometimes get the best of us. It is always healing to have someone of "authority" dispel them. You, my dear woman are not a curse, but a blessing. Just as I am sure, you feel that your new granddaughter is. It seems in some sense, that now you know that. And in that way, you have have become both mother and father to your own soul.

    As far as the structure of the piece and all that-- I did kind of trip over "Until I just a ghost myself". I thought maybe you meant to put a comma after I but then there wasn't a conclusion so I thought maybe you left out the word "was". I was also kind of confused by "Pilgrim-souled prayed" I thought maybe "souled" should just be "soul"??

    I really love the line that contains "your myths were as irish as hers". But that is just my favorite. I like it all.
    | Posted on 2012-02-29 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]

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