Description: A poem I wrote for my sisters birthday! feedback is greatly appreciated!
Come Undone -------------------------------------------
No matter how beautiful something is it always seems to be hidden. Whether it's by society, make-up, or stage curtains, it always seems to happen. You can shine. Sometimes you might be scared to come undone. You become so used to life's barriers that you're too scared to push them down. You need to let your dreams become reality. Break through the walls. Once you do, your beauty will shine brighter than the stars.
I'm sure your sister appreciated this uplifting bit of prose. And you're right, life does hide the more beautiful things in our lives. I think it does that so that we take the time to notice them. Maybe it's so that we appareciate them more? Who knows.
Take a look at the 4th sentence. "coem" should be "come".
What if you were have one more line that said something like: You only need to come undone. What do you think?
I also think you could make this into a rather rmoving poem simply by breaking each sentence up into a couple of lines. You can add or subtract words depending on how it flows. It's all about where you want to take the reader. What do you want them to know that they didn't know before reading your work.