Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Disease ( Not Finished )dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 75/191/246
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 833
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 234



    Description:
       Feel free to comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Disease ( Not Finished )dots
    -------------------------------------------



    Devil, close by knitting skin to disguise;
    weaving a lie of a world we wished to create.
    Knot by knot strangling our chances to rise;
    engineering the gallows to deliver our failure.






    Submitted on 2012-03-01 12:50:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The idea is clear...and the phrasing is clever, but it doesn't flow well. There's something off between the 2nd and 4th lines. Something is hindering how it comes across. You pay attention to the words but not how it reads and the four lines seem seperate from one another instead of connectioning to one whole statement.
    | Posted on 2012-03-14 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Still a bit knotty. I like the direction but it's a little hard to follow. I think it's a good start.
    | Posted on 2012-03-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194471

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Sadistic lust written by jjd
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    I Believed written by homeless
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Eyes written by homeless
    your truest people written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry