Description: Thinking about thoughts that have been over thought and purged into immortalized permanence despite extensive efforts to cut free from a controlling matrix of trains growing inside my mind,
my efforts have been futile.
so you thought it would be different.. -------------------------------------------
So you think you know what it takes to be a train?
Waking the cogsmen with your sultry mists again.
Balancing myself has become a question of nails
and I wonder if the sky would become a satin mask again,
like those other times that only ended with laughs.
I dance on brittle sunshine in tomorrows yesterday,
to remind myself of the quilted pain I had to cast away.
I want to press wounds into shaped flowers to fill my pillow,
but this soul's paper thin, trying to hold off cathartic eyes,
so let me carry my dreams alone into another elusive sunrise...
it's odd to me...when we consider that most often we dream of what has been already...drudge up the past when we sleep...so seldom do we actually dream of future when we sleep...yet when we are awake, we do dream of the future...
maybe i will just stay awake forever...i like hoping the future will get better...but when it seems so bleak...we hold on to what we had.
probably doesn't make too much sense...but the poem took me here, and then i reminded myself that the last really cool dream i had...was two days before the dream actually came true...and it was a dandy ending or maybe better yet, beginning.
hmm i think you mean trains of thought right? things overlay and get distorted and it's hard to hold onto the polarity of good/bad. black and white.... i've been there. it's cumbersome. hard to function. focus on grouping things and try not to embellish. sometimes that analysis of an analysis can compound making it hard to figure what the actual problem is. these introspective pieces are hard to give real advice on in a personal level because it's all down to a very inner level of personal function. i've gotten through that storm though. you've gotta relate to your life. for it's objects and movements. and not get hung up on the affect/effect of your analysis. the doubt leads to the distortion. try new analogies. (i'm not critiquing. i'm on the other side of the debate for this site needing to be about "writing", at least when it comes to actual experience. sacrifice the poem for your health let it be about building internal devices) anyhow new analogies of introspect are good because of the nature of it. an analogy can represent a numeration of things and when the mind has several paralell or conflicting relathionships then a new comparison can help tidy things up a bit. as far as self awareness, and lucidity. try studying new things. new music. this all helped me in a time when i felt similar.