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    dots Submission Name: Roostdots

    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    6.1 - 2036/1895/1310
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 250
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 294

       Imagine those star thingees are bullet points.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    * you sip
    * at you're wine
    * thump, & go out. these
    * are, your sounds and you make them -as if
    * there was a wall between us. exquisite fascination,
    * i mouth something over the fence. how
    * quietly the night has found a place to sit.

    Submitted on 2012-03-03 17:34:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    The bullet/starthingees make this visually interesting as well as cool to read, how it cuts off lines & sort of makes any punctuation in the line somewhat secondary to the bullets. It's quite clever in its form alone, but then there's the content & how you have used that form & naturally you do it all justice.

    Quick question: Did you mean "you're wine"? rather than "your wine".

    I was going to go into detail about why & how I like this line or that, but now I've found myself quite taken by all the lines & how they stand alone as well as interact with each other. Each are a monostich & not, & it's just such a wonderful effect. & Of course there's the wine. & the noises within the poem. They are heard things & also felt. "thump, & go out.". "i mouth . how". & this act of the night finding a place to sit. That image is so incredibly fine & so right, I guess, in description.
    | Posted on 2012-08-31 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      misc misc.
    | Posted on 2012-03-03 00:00:00 | by thesunbird | [ Reply to This ]

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