Description: Imagine those star thingees are bullet points.
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* you sip
* at you're wine
* thump, & go out. these
* are, your sounds and you make them -as if
* there was a wall between us. exquisite fascination,
* i mouth something over the fence. how
* quietly the night has found a place to sit.
The bullet/starthingees make this visually interesting as well as cool to read, how it cuts off lines & sort of makes any punctuation in the line somewhat secondary to the bullets. It's quite clever in its form alone, but then there's the content & how you have used that form & naturally you do it all justice.
Quick question: Did you mean "you're wine"? rather than "your wine".
I was going to go into detail about why & how I like this line or that, but now I've found myself quite taken by all the lines & how they stand alone as well as interact with each other. Each are a monostich & not, & it's just such a wonderful effect. & Of course there's the wine. & the noises within the poem. They are heard things & also felt. "thump, & go out.". "i mouth …. how". & this act of the night finding a place to sit. That image is so incredibly fine & so … right, I guess, in description.
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