Description: Imagine those star thingees are bullet points.
* you sip
* at you're wine
* thump, & go out. these
* are, your sounds and you make them -as if
* there was a wall between us. exquisite fascination,
* i mouth something over the fence. how
* quietly the night has found a place to sit.
less is more.
those star thingees, that are bullet points
and like bullets in the hands of one who knows how to use a rifle
are well aimed and hit their target.
you have always been a good observer of the idiosynchronies of life and those that live it.
that can identify people and their activities are uncannily built into our neural pathways and synapses..
as kids, when I was at boarding school, we could recognise which adult was approaching the dorms at night to beat us just by the sound of their footsteps and swish of their skirts.
being in the same house as someone you love and hearing and recognising their activities can be viewed in different ways. i used to love working while listening to someone I really cared for practise his guitar..
but hearing someone you love get ready and go out without you after an argument must be agonising.
my dogs can recognise a million different sounds and are there in an instant if I rustle the packaging from some biscuits or accidently jangle their leash.
so are you sitting alone in your roost? in the quiet of a balmy evening? or wrapped up against a wintry chill looking a frosty star filled sky?
or retired to the wood shed?
do you still have your Gibson?
I hope you are well Mr Barlow?
I have taken an emotional hammering but I am back at the coal face on Sunday ( yes we start the week on sunday here!) so I had better stiffen my upper lip , keep my chin up and crack on!
The bullet/starthingees make this visually interesting as well as cool to read, how it cuts off lines & sort of makes any punctuation in the line somewhat secondary to the bullets. It's quite clever in its form alone, but then there's the content & how you have used that form & naturally you do it all justice.
Quick question: Did you mean "you're wine"? rather than "your wine".
I was going to go into detail about why & how I like this line or that, but now I've found myself quite taken by all the lines & how they stand alone as well as interact with each other. Each are a monostich & not, & it's just such a wonderful effect. & Of course there's the wine. & the noises within the poem. They are heard things & also felt. "thump, & go out.". "i mouth …. how". & this act of the night finding a place to sit. That image is so incredibly fine & so … right, I guess, in description.