The Storm by melancholystar

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Submission Name: The Storm dots

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Author:	melancholystar
ASL Info:	17/f/tx
Elite Ratio:	4.53 - 598/302/32
Words:	66

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	393
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	463

Description:
I wrote this about a week ago. I was visiting relatives that live right by a lake... and a storm erupted. Post comments or criticism.

The Storm dots

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Looking at the crashing waves,
A storm could be foreseen,
The lake was darkened,
The sky was black,
The water seemed unclean.

Thunder heard all around,
Then a flash of lightning,
Torrents of rain fell to the ground,
And the storm continued heightening.

Then finally it slowly passed,
The sun began to show,
When the clouds left at last,
The heavens began to glow.

Submitted on 2004-08-01 20:36:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  oh oh oh I read this one before.. i loved it! As I do now, I read a few times to see what I like about this and its the last line. It all comes to a perfect end in your poem. See, I would prob have started with the sunshine to finish with the storm, but you did a good creative original write here...yay!

Bruno
| Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty cool and wierd all at once. I liked it but it seems like it has no personal connection or meaning. Like this is just something you came up with because you were bored or had to do it for a class.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
  for some strange odd reason, reading that piece made me think i was back in elementry school. you know, like when the teachers would read a story and get all into it, puttin dramatic emphasis in the perfect places. maybe its just me. sounds kinda like a western ballad. i like it.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm, this piece seems to leave me with the feeling that i've heard it before. the suggestion i have for you is to maybe add a little personal feelings into it. give more details that will then lead to more feelings, and make it more orginal. just some friendly advice.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice work with this. I usually don't rhyme a lot but you do that well and it flows nicely. I liked this a lot. It is kinda weird because when I started reading it now it began lightening, it was raining and the bad part of the storm just came thru as i read this. Anyways, Nice work. Very well written.
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by abby2391 | [ Reply to This ]

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