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    dots Submission Name: Denialdots

    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 287
    Class/Type: Fanfic/Depressed
    Total Views: 444
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1604


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Some say we all need our mothers
    They tell me no matter how deep my denial is,
    I will always yearn for her

    And I know,
    Deep down I am forced to shuffle these feelings in a new order
    Constantly placing them furthest from the front as possible

    For as much I hate to admit it,
    I wish I had my Mom
    I wish she could love me,
    I wish I could feel her love for me, her only daughter
    I long to write how we are best of friends
    I would love to explain to you how I can tell her all of my deepest darkest secrets

    However, reality is not as such
    Only reason my Mother knows my darkest days is because she paved my way to them,
    She handed me these night terrors
    She gladly gave me these memories of the sexual abuse
    I felt forced to accept and be "okay" with

    Most of all,
    All my life she has given me pain
    Deep seeded pain that does not just go away over night
    Hatred for myself for all I am, all I can ever be is a sexual object she allowed me to become in her own household,
    In my own childhood home

    Just as my step father did,
    My Mother also used me for whatever she could in any-way that would benefit her
    All my life I will only be "good enough"
    For the time being
    And once I have ran my course

    It would not be that far-fetched to think
    If she could, my own mother
    How could I ever put it past anyone else to not treat me as such?

    Submitted on 2012-03-19 17:00:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Gosh girl your making me cry. Not that this will sound helpful but the majority of parents don't treat their offspring that way. Believe me I get it, no help, but consider this most men are fairly decent characters. You shouldn't write off all of us because there's a chance you might get a bad one. I know this is kind of cliché, but it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I say give someone a chance, try not to let fear of the future spoil your today. After all today is all we really have in this world, memories and dreams aside. Live a little.

    | Posted on 2012-03-19 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

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