[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Your Vibrancydots

    Author: Anneboleyn707
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 44/84/67
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1006


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Vibrancydots

    The sleepy sunlight fell away,
    The dusk rushed to fill its void,
    And cold sedation of noon's toil came--
    A proud leap upon the green setting;
    Revelry emerging everywhere.

    Boy, within such nighttime, you,
    As no other could do,
    Opened your almond eyes,
    Took your haughty hopes,
    And pierced the thick crowd, that bridged our abyss;
    Pegged all your vibrancy to mine in an upbeat,
    Swam in the passion as the music expanded;

    The blissful people, the stage and smoke,
    A steady rock song, to which I craned,
    Fell behind our tenuous hope,
    It's blurry connection of life to life
    Losing consistency in the recall of time and space.

    Boy, yet I will remember your face.
    Recklessness of which has well survived
    Drunken laughter and orange sunrise,
    Your almond eyes
    Held me but one sottish frame,
    In the vastness of life's game.

    Submitted on 2012-03-20 15:15:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed reading this good verse just because it is good verse! Not everybody is like me, but a lot are I think.

    The story I also enjoyed because (not like many poets) you do tell a story here. I'm ordinary because I like there to be a story!

    Then there could be a comment on your story here. That is what I thought about most, just now. Is that a drunken frolic, the stupid equivalent of temporary insanity; or is it more of a moment of discovery, something to build on, something I ought to study more? For I have young folk to look after.

    What stands out about the story is your close, vital, sensitive appreciation of both the appearance and soul of the boy. The story is a love story. There is no hint at all that this episode doesn't matter ....
    | Posted on 2012-03-20 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Very, very well wriiten, as well as very romantic. How we came to bridge through the abyss I really liked, it's true, how do we meet people without reason right???

    I also grew very fond of the imagery of the sun turning to night, and the cold settling in, I tend to bring the setting around me alive into my writings as well.

    Let those almond eye and that laughter feed upon a forever orange sunrise (sounds just so peaceful)

    It is good that interactions between people can cause such a passion to read about.

    Love it.
    | Posted on 2012-03-20 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Carry written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Every..... written by jackz
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]