Oz by Kalidoscopeeyes

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Submission Name: Oz dots

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Author:	Kalidoscopeeyes
ASL Info:	18/f
Elite Ratio:	3.64 - 122/151/29
Words:	60

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	309
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	394

Description:
I was lying in bed one night and I thought of this idea for a poem. I thought it was a kick a$$ idea, but I think something's missing. Should it be longer? Any general advice on how to make it better?

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There are no bright yellow bricks
to light up the path,
no stepping stones for the road to Oz.

There are no cheeky munchkins
to encourage you with a song,
to dance out the map for the journey.

There is no scarecrow,
no tinman,
no lion
to be an unpenetrable guide.

No protection from the Wicked Witch.

Submitted on 2004-08-01 22:34:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  omg I just saw where everyone tried to compell you to add on to this. NO, DON'T DO IT!
or, maybe you can, but I, as a writer, when once I've finished a piece of work, cannot add to it. believe me I've tried, and every time I only messed it up.
| Posted on 2004-10-02 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
  oooohhhh this is very interesting. and educative.
is penetrable spelled correctly?

do do do do do just typing this to fill up space.
| Posted on 2004-10-02 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
  i want a book of your writings. PLEASSSSEEEE. Yeah write more for this one...go into DEPTH as the teachers say.

TOodle-a-NoOdLe,
DaNi.
| Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by Astarael | [ Reply to This ]
  stops with a witch and never ends.. how will it make sense with out a end..
it goes well and needs no length .. all it needs is a finish...
give it good finish and let the readers know wat and where to place themselvs.. it does prompt a imagination and again it is of the "oz"..
it is a good topic and well ... u can enhance it that way
bye
| Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah great idea.. add to it.. expand upon the fallicies of "oz" ... this has a great tounge-and-cheek allusion to the world.
| Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by murf | [ Reply to This ]
  the main characters are hardly mentioned. tin man, lion and scarecrow have 1 line each. try to write more about them. say something bout how there are no clicking shoes to take you home. no great castle. and mention some of the morals in the story. thats my advice. its a kick a$$ idea it just needs work to be a kick a$$ poem. good luck
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
  if there aren't these things - what is there? that is what is missing. I like it, its nice to see a parallel drawn, its nice to read, something not depressed, i'm interested to see what else you do with this piece, please let me know :)
| Posted on 2004-08-01 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]

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