[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A tropical nightdots

    Author: Glen Bowman
    ASL Info:    70 m Oz
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1140/307/186
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1087

       Bush poets of NSW, Australia, write in this tradition; and I justy love it. For a start, you get rid of all the literary snobs who think rhyming is redneck. Well it is I suppose, but I mean, well, ah buggerit anyway.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA tropical nightdots

    "Night is for many stars, daytime for one:
    "What do you wonder beneath the warm sun?
    "What else do you wonder when darkness reveals
    "Its trillion far suns and the cold that it feels?
    "How many suns warm other wondering eyes
    "As their eyes and yours search the wonderful skies?"

    So went a story my mother told me
    Of how warm we can feel but how far we can see
    While we stood on the beach after sunset, and seas
    From the ocean's unknown reached the scent of the trees
    With a roar and a hiss on the reef, at our feet,
    And the tropical stars blazed down, thousands then more,
    Bright and silent far over our muttering shore.

    That night I was diving - deep in a dream -
    Where the sea hid the sun, and below was a gleam
    Like a scatter of stars in the black of the deep
    Where discovery is death and a dreamer could sleep.
    I wondered and wondered, then swam up for love,
    Waking in bed with the stars safe above.

    Submitted on 2012-03-22 23:53:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well done!

    This poem is very deep. This coming from some one who likes to claim himself to be "deep" himself.

    I love how it goes from something of a riddle to a story and then to a dream. The imagery, rhyming, and depth (as stated above) were flawless as usual, however, the last two lines stood out like a a piece of coal in a a row of diamonds. I say that that, and it makes it sounds worse then it really is though.

    What I mean about these last two lines is, it was like you rushed on the wrap up idea of this poem. It does distract from the awe and the whole concept of the poem.

    By the way, you wrote about stars again. Even with the last two lines sticking out to me the way they did, this has been my favorite write I've read in a long time, and I'm going to favorite it!

    | Posted on 2013-10-02 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
      I've thought of something else wonderful here...
    the way the dream put the universe into the oceans,
    and yet we know more about the outer reaches of the universe than we do about the oceans...

    Was that the unknown? Did I figure it out?
    | Posted on 2012-07-05 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      What a wonderful submission!
    It's a bedtime story, a reminiscense, and a vivid dream diary all in one!
    I loved the imagery and underlying moral here...and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.
    Thank you for sharing it!

    I do have one minor quibble, though...
    I keep tripping over:
    "...and seas
    From the ocean's unknown"

    the ocean's unknown what?
    or is it the seas that are unknown?

    I may just be confused by the apostrophe...

    its a wonderful piece to read.
    | Posted on 2012-07-05 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this... it was akin to wandering through another's dreams..

    it tempts one to think that it is simple, yet is as complex as life's mystery...

    thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2012-07-04 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, rhyming is not red neck :) I happen to enjoy it...and if you ask me, you have to be a little more clever to write with a rhyme. Let's face it, there are fewer words to choose from to get your point across! Anyway, as someone once told me, you get extra points for rhyming.

    "That night I was diving - deep in a dream -"
    Genius! I love how you compared the dream state to diving in the ocean...quite a fair comparison.

    How often do we look up at the night sky and wonder just who might be looking back? Maybe, someday, we'll all get the chance to wander the stars...but when you do, be sure to pack a lunch: I hear it's a long trip!

    Nice work Glen...very nice indeed!

    | Posted on 2012-04-01 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]