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    dots Submission Name: escapedots

    Author: scardnscared
    ASL Info:    25/ DFW
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 585/498/311
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1061


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i dont know what to do
    im scared, coming unglued
    and all i can do is stare at your face
    but your brains already light years away
    and your love has already made an escape
    your cracking up and you claim im insane...
    not a second goes by
    and your already wrapped deep inside my brain
    your just like a leech babe
    you suck out the best of me
    and now im so far gone that i cannot bleed
    and i know that this is wrong
    but how do i know what love is
    when i grew up in a loveless home
    and my path is never clear
    but i know that your my home my dear
    i cant get around the fact
    that i am the straw that broke the camels back
    and i am ashamed to say
    that i cried for so many days
    and now im washed up and turning grey
    everything just looks the same
    and im on autopilot my dear..

    i dont know what to do
    im scared and im coming unglued
    cant you just put me back together again?

    Submitted on 2012-03-23 14:32:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First of all the poem would look a lot better if you would change all the "im" to "I'm" and the "dont" to 'don't".
    Also try this: "you're cracking up" instead of "your cracking up"
    "not a second goes by
    before you are already wrapped deep inside my brain"
    instead of "not a second goes by
    and your already wrapped deep inside my brain"
    " you're my home my dear" instead of "your my home dear"

    Do that and the poem will read a bit smoother.
    This is a good read.
    | Posted on 2012-04-09 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good muse, echoing thoughts that all of us have had at one time or another. A friend of mine once said "if it were'nt for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all"! The low times in life are a test of resolve, and if we "tough it" through, good times are sure to follow!
    | Posted on 2012-03-25 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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