[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: First stars (@ Siding Springs Observatory)dots

    Author: Glen Bowman
    ASL Info:    70 m Oz
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1140/307/186
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 423

       Latest version of a rhyme that was here before, sometime.

    This project about night skies was to say something like this, but there are lots of angles on it! See "Telescope!", a sonnet somewhere below.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFirst stars (@ Siding Springs Observatory)dots

    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides up from the plain,
    Sneaks all worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.

    Floating on fire down here
    Is so little, so little;
    Only some land, some sea:
    Where shall we go?

    But into shadow
    And who shall we be?
    But eyes
    On a dark hill,

    And how shall we see
    But by touch
    Of you and me?

    Submitted on 2012-03-25 21:18:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh lovely! I'm swept into this content feeling of blissful union. Where hiding and finding shelter are one and the same. Gorgeous tone throughout and I love :

    And how shall we see
    But by touch
    Of you and me?

    Simply spellbinding

    Has a very old world feel to it...now I am curious to see the rest on your list, are they all so proper yet yet incredibly moving?!?!


    | Posted on 2013-02-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, there is a calmness to it, a kind of serenity as the stars appear and it brings in a deeper feeling of connectedness even if only by sight between the observer and the observed.

    However the first stanza feels disconnected from the rest, for some reason it feels like I want to read :

    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides out of the plain,
    Sneaks all worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.


    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides out of the plain,
    Sneaks small worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.

    Dunno, just my 2c :)
    | Posted on 2013-02-06 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Love written by saartha
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]