[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: First stars (@ Siding Springs Observatory)dots

    Author: Glen Bowman
    ASL Info:    70 m Oz
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1140/307/186
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 423

       Latest version of a rhyme that was here before, sometime.

    This project about night skies was to say something like this, but there are lots of angles on it! See "Telescope!", a sonnet somewhere below.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFirst stars (@ Siding Springs Observatory)dots

    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides up from the plain,
    Sneaks all worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.

    Floating on fire down here
    Is so little, so little;
    Only some land, some sea:
    Where shall we go?

    But into shadow
    And who shall we be?
    But eyes
    On a dark hill,

    And how shall we see
    But by touch
    Of you and me?

    Submitted on 2012-03-25 21:18:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh lovely! I'm swept into this content feeling of blissful union. Where hiding and finding shelter are one and the same. Gorgeous tone throughout and I love :

    And how shall we see
    But by touch
    Of you and me?

    Simply spellbinding

    Has a very old world feel to it...now I am curious to see the rest on your list, are they all so proper yet yet incredibly moving?!?!


    | Posted on 2013-02-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, there is a calmness to it, a kind of serenity as the stars appear and it brings in a deeper feeling of connectedness even if only by sight between the observer and the observed.

    However the first stanza feels disconnected from the rest, for some reason it feels like I want to read :

    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides out of the plain,
    Sneaks all worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.


    Twilight on our mountain
    Slides out of the plain,
    Sneaks small worlds
    Slowly down to our eyes.

    Dunno, just my 2c :)
    | Posted on 2013-02-06 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]