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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Edgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DiamondTears
    ASL Info:    20/F/Wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 66/109/57
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 399
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632



    Description:
       About letting go of what you know, to embrace what could be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Edgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Abandon all you know,
    Embrace the unknown,
    I feel my grip slipping,
    But its a good thing,
    Im floating backward,
    But my life propels forward,
    Understand what it means to start again,
    That fear you feel can only drain,
    That brightness in the distance,
    Let go of your resistance,
    Anchors only pin you down,
    Set yourself free before you drown,
    Throw yourself over the edge,
    There is resolve over that ledge,
    Hold your breathe, adrenaline highs,
    I promise you will come to rise.
    Your future ablaze in those searing blue eyes.




    Submitted on 2012-03-28 05:11:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like where you are going with this poem. I sense the trepidation in your words, but I also see the hopefulness of things to come.

    The rhymes work well, but the first two lines are a little rough (though it is not bad in my opinion). If I may, why not make it more of a hard rhyme? Something like:

    Abandon all you know
    Your tomorrow is aglow

    Again, that's just my take...it all depends on what you want to convey with those two lines.

    What about this for these lines...

    Anchors only pin you down,
    Free yourself before you drown

    The meaning is still there, just fewer words...again, it's your call.

    This poem gives the reader hope for what tomorrow brings; we all just need to let go of our past to see the goodness in what tomorrow has to offer!

    Nicely done, DT!

    until again,

    Kelly

    | Posted on 2012-03-28 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


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