Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sun Spotdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 536
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 643



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSun Spotdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sun Spot

    I built this place up while I was sequestered mountaintop
    I made it out to be a paradise with palms and white sand
    blue skies all the time

    and put from my mind the Walgreens
    and smell of gasoline at every major intersection

    the girls in too short shorts with too small babes in arms and
    bruised legs
    the vacant eyes of barflies and abandoned grandmoms
    waiting at crosswalks

    but last night as I sipped wine in my best friend's garden
    a breeze blew and jasmine tickled my nose
    and in its scent I found home again




    Submitted on 2012-04-03 01:09:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Home is where the heart is challenged? And wins?
    | Posted on 2012-07-02 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      You remind me of how things were years ago when I built a home in the mountains above Boulder Creek. Thinking of it makes me want it again. Now Walgreens is just a block away and the air ain't too good either. Thanks for the memory, Jane - Jim
    | Posted on 2012-05-17 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Friends sipping wine in a garden, life doesn't get much better than that.
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Those girls with their itty bitty babies & itty bitty shorts are simply everywhere. I am thinking there is some sort of pandemic happening.

    I really like the title. I though you might have gone all space-y on us, but no, this is very earth-bound with a sun spot being that place of warmth.

    What is also great is how you start off with this fantasy place, then bring us back to reality, though it's a recent one really -- kinda like looking around & seeing what the world has come to in a very short time. Both places are foreign, but then it ends with that familiarity. There will always be those little respites.

    & how a scent can take us back, give us that same feeling all over again.
    | Posted on 2012-04-04 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      Where have you been all my yesterdays?

    This one wreaks of Pinellas County Florida. The not-so-fit mothers. The palm trees and white sand. The drug-stores on the corner of every busy road. The nostalgia.

    I know this isn't really the intended purpose of the poem, but smells really do it for me. Nothing is more nostalgic than a familiar smell. Every time I smell a cut banana i'm right back to 10th grade, sitting on my bus next to Maria who ate a banana every morning. Fresh cut grass reminds me of my childhood in the Summer-time. Scents are the best, and the last line is how I know this is a nostalgia piece.

    I've been wanting to leave my hometown, just so I can go back.

    Welcome back, Jane.

    | Posted on 2012-04-03 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      i believe that these kinda sun spots are a necessary. a necessary to survival of the soul. these moments, though small, have the capacity to fill when all seems almost hopeless or ugly.

    i am glad that you captured that moment as it makes me realize my own.
    | Posted on 2012-04-03 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194790

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Outlaw
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry