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    dots Submission Name: NaPoWriMo 1--4dots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1306
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1600

       NaPoWriMo 2012: Sharper Still

    My second year of NaPo. It seems a bit harder this time around.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNaPoWriMo 1--4dots

    April 1st, 2012

    The universe, they say
    unravels like a ball of yarn.

    where the white birds sleep
    where the ground gives birth
    to these secret nightfalls

    the body is thin as paper,
    folding, finding its edge. Again.
    Sharpening, again. Sharper yet.
    Again. Sharper still.

    All the while, softening with rain.

    April 2nd, 2012

    Science and aging, as understood
    by an amateur in both:

    In the democratic fire of muscle
    jostling bone, each cell
    sweats to propagate, bisecting
    in hasty mitosis.

    The daughter cell forcefed
    with chromosomes, the rope-like telomeres
    appearing then disappearing, a tiny
    act of God. Infinitesimally
    becoming shorter.

    Meanwhile, the lattice trees
    of dendrites are pruned
    by an over-enthusiastic gardener.

    April 3rd, 2012

    The moon opens
    its mouth, cleanly. Wide
    and reverberating.

    Just that. The noise
    beneath the evening storm.

    April 4th, 2012

    All these strangers, disappearing
    into the fog. Quiet save for
    the slap of rainboots, someone sighing.
    I feel as though I've fallen
    into an old garden,
    grown-over with white vines. I feel
    primordial, or perhaps as Eve did.
    Seeing no one, absorbing everything
    for the first time, deep into her bones.

    Submitted on 2012-04-04 18:27:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Gah! Everybody got to this before me & now I'm stuck being that person who is just a repeter. So fine, I will just say that these are fantastic & I cannot wait to read the second set.

    I honestly spaced that it's NatPo month. I'm ashamed. I think it's because I'm out in the country & so I don't see the little reminders so much. I would've liked to have done something like this. Maybe I still will.
    | Posted on 2012-04-08 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
    I suppose I will go day by day too.

    April 1st:

    I love how the second stanza moves seamlessly without pause into the third stanza, and this simile: "the body is thin as paper,/folding, finding its edge." My mind automatically went to the task of folding a sheet of paper perfectly in half, trying to line the edges up just right. To thought that this relates to the body is just brilliant. I also remember an artist friend saying two things: that a sheet of paper is very powerful thing and that the first four lines of any composition are the edges of the paper.

    So to think of that sharpness, that whiteness' constitution changing by rain is also another excellent image, because we have all seen how paper reacts to water, just not the implications you've discovered and brought forth.

    April 2nd:

    There's a change in tone; almost as though you're empty your thoughts after a biology class / developmental psychology class.

    I find that keeping with a strict metaphor can be tiresome in poetry, or rather that you have to walk a thin line, play it cool, and write well when you choose to extend a metaphor throughout an entire poem. You do just that. I imagine in the wrong hands it could easily go terribly wrong.

    April 3rd:

    This one is stunning. I love the separations that occur; the "just that"; how it all interacts as one large sentence that's been clipped and put into place.

    April 4th:

    Fog is such a strange element. It is tangible and not; can make things feel closer but also further away. I imagine the slap of rain boots and sighs creating small echoes in the empty pockets of clearness fog creates. Each image here builds upon the previous one wonderfully, and I like the light contradiction between seeing no one and absorbing everything, as well as the absorbing relates back to fog. I've had a fog sort of seep into my bones on certain gloomy days.


    These are great, and I like that Poetry Month has more or less inspired them. Writing can be difficult, what to say of writing under pressure or with some sort of purpose.

    | Posted on 2012-04-06 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      You killed me with the April 2nd poem about your view of aging. The over-enthusiastic gardener...cause of our aging and prunes. A great metaphor.
    | Posted on 2012-04-05 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      mother earth being penetrated by the storms of nature...

    i really like the clarity and brevity in the April 3rd part...what a description of thunder. "absorbing everything for the first time into her bones"

    amazing line...yes, Eve maybe..or just mother earth before we all got here to unappreciate and mess things up.

    april showers hopefully will bring smarter flowers in the form of humans...

    sometimes the empty paper is better than the poem that spoils it.

    but this poem and all its parts are like the garden of eden, untouched.--pure in its form and wisdom.

    | Posted on 2012-04-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, so far I've been cheating and telling myself that editing old poetry is the same as writing a new one every day. Poetic cop outs, haha. I love your work, it's so beautiful and concise and I definitely need to sharpen my poetic pencil because it's getting dull in every aspect.

    I love this so far.

    You've inspired me. I'll start tomorrow.

    Steph <3
    | Posted on 2012-04-04 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Is that something you can get a late start into? Never done so much as one a day. Lately I'm lucky to get one a month!

    | Posted on 2012-04-04 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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