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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Whom Can I Run To?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1560



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhom Can I Run To?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    We were supposed to go to Nympheas At The Orangerie, Paris
    together and spin circles in Monet's circle of blind but all-seeing
    impressions

    Later we'd hold hands on the banks of the
    River Seine and look at the chestnuts in blossom

    We were to go there and to Giverny
    to smell the Wisteria and stand on the
    arched Japanese style bridge and sink into long kisses

    We were supposed to look at lily pads and water lilies
    and feel the sunshine on our faces

    and later still we'd
    make love in some soft bed in Les Jardins du Val
    and feed each other croissants and champagne

    We were supposed to remember together
    the births of our children
    and the struggles of years of no money
    and sleepless nights

    and so little trust between us at the
    Cathedral of Spilt Blood in St Petersburg

    and headaches and crying jags
    and the time you almost peed your pants on the
    Smokey Mountain Expressway on the way back
    from my brother's in Indiana in a snowstorm

    We were supposed to wake each other up in the soft light
    of a new day and then another and another until our days
    faded into soft sunset

    It is April

    I went to Siesta Key beach and swam in the ocean alone today
    I wanted to let the waves take me
    but I swam back to shore

    What have you done to my heart?




    Submitted on 2012-04-07 01:10:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is one of your best pieces.
    The imagery, the grounded reality of these scenes,
    is done artfully and with grace.
    | Posted on 2012-05-18 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]
      As Emeya says, I like that it's sophisticated and about the world and then, as a person's woe unfolds - in a most sophisticated, callus sort of way, it becomes about the world.

    No, I know, thank God for the bright spots. But most people will read a poem and not take it home with them. And it bothers me, that. I am sorry, you have done your job well.

    Adaptation is all that I know. Whether you like it or not, though certainly it is better to say,

    ok, now the....
    ok, now the...
    ok, now a star has burst, where will i go.

    fruitless seeming, or a bit like that, when you are feeling down, but the where will i go question is not a helpless one, it goes back to that adaptation whether you are willing or no, but the choice is yours
    to weather the what of where you are and better the what of who you will become. The single, great, epiphany I have discovered is -
    nothing is ever still.

    Sorry to sermonize at you, that is the situation on the ground, as i know it.

    And, it's not like you are some riff raff JanePlane, I can tell, you are good people.

    So
    by writing
    by striving, you lift up that chin exceptionally well.
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      To the person who was supposed to be there, to be included in these things, and instead there are only what ifs and could-have-beens. That's a terrible thing to live with, but I suppose you learn to straighten your shoulder and not think about it most days.

    I like the progression of this most. The first half is romantic and picturesque, un-real in the way we might think of the things that could have been, but then it starts to become more specific and personalized, as though we are now reading about things that really happened and what they might've been like had that person been there. Almost as though to say you missed out on this. I'm not sure if I'm communicating that properly.

    One suggestion I would give is with these lines:

    "and later still wed / make love . . . "

    the tense is off here, and should be something like "and later still we were supposed to / make love" might be the easier route, and furthers the repetition and impact of the "supposed to".

    The "It is April" is a perfect movement / pivot. Now the poem is what really happened, what is now, and the loneliness becomes all more poignant by this admittance and the question you end with.

    It's amazing what a person can do to another's heart, be it good or bad. The question is not only frank but sums up every feeling residing in this poem.

    At least, hopefully, one can get to a place where they can run to themselves.

    -Emeya.
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, the ending was a clincher. The format I feel could be played with a little, because its such a serious piece and it's important and I feel like it should look more hm... like, I'm not sure how to explain, but I feel like the line breaks could be better, and the lack of punctuation, too, could be fixed. But maybe it's also that the lack of punctuation is purposeful and you're using it to explain how everything is lowing into each other, without end and without order, but omg, that last line. I was reading it, and it was just such a sad piece and the final line collects everything before it and just hands it to the reader and says, "Look at me, I'm broken, but I'm art."

    "We were supposed to wake each other up in the soft light
    of a new day and then another and another until our days
    faded into soft sunset"

    My question for this is why did she swim back to shore? Is he or she still waiting for their partner to come get them.

    I like this a lot.

    Steph
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is so sad...yet i see hope in this...

    yes, "we were supposed to" do a lot of things together...and now there is no "we"----

    but this just means that you will do these things with someone else who deserves much more to do them with you....

    i really felt this write...i was walking along the beach with you at the end of it...

    i have pondered these ideas several times now...with three marriages that went on the rocks like waves banging against a cliff...

    there were supposed to's...yes...and they never happened with those people..

    but now...i have some one with whom to share those supposed to's...and we will---

    healing takes time...and maybe several walks alone on that beach...but a new tide in life will come in and brush your shore.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Dreams of what could have, might have been if one had taken the other fork in the road... now relegated to another dimension. What is described here is quite a beautiful vision in time and space, romantic foreign names, places, yet it was a dream.

    If a life can be cataloged such forks would be the index tabs, perhaps using one each color coded for sweet dreams, bitter holding-ons and continuing reality. We are free to indulge ourselves in the first two but it is the last that really matters. What colors do you choose your tabs to be?

    Thanks for the tour and the swim. Happy Easter! It's a time we celebrate rebirth, new beginnings, resurrection, new life... and this recurring cycle has been recognized since long before mankind had the means to document that which unfolds itself so gloriously before us. I suppose there was a time when the celebration of Spring was for the fact that at least some if not all of the tribe had once again survived Winter.

    Blue, black, green? Green also means "go".
    | Posted on 2012-04-07 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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