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    dots Submission Name: wake updots

    Author: OneDarkFlame92
    ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 459/424/226
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1033
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 689


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswake updots

    in perpetual states of frivolity,
    there is no dichotomy to judge
    other than you seem sad

    when you're not high.

    I suppose that you always were
    when we would laugh, and appreciate the little things
    (flowers that forgot to bloom. clouds that refused to disappear.)

    and you showed them how far you could bend without breaking. your defiance more beautiful than any rose

    I can feel the sunlight hit your eyes
    as you show your first signs of displeasure-
    in a long time-
    it's been a while

    since you fell asleep on me.

    Submitted on 2012-04-09 18:10:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one however I wonder about the high
    part? Did she use drugs all of the time? I had friends like that
    they were only happy when they were high.
    But they were happy all of the time too until their minds
    started to go then they got really weird and had to
    be hospitalized.
    | Posted on 2013-03-17 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      First part message - everything is relative
    Second part message - the spirit shine through
    Third part unintended message - one must feel secure to fall asleep
    Nice read, thanks!
    | Posted on 2012-04-10 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
    I've always liked the word "dichotomy".

    You have two incredibly high-impact turns of phrase in this poem. The first is with the first stanza into the line "when you're not high" and the second is, obviously, the second to last stanza: "in a long time- / it's been a while // since you fell asleep on me."

    They are stunning not just for their composure and technique but also their honesty which comes across more like admitting to something you do not want to. The phrasing is what kills me most. Somehow it's inevitable. These sections gnawed at my soul and I also felt put the middle section a little to shame. It's not nearly as good. While on one hand the somewhat common place, border-line cliché observations taking up the middle make sense because it suits the mood and emphasizes the state of this person you're referring to, that beginning and end are just too damn good for it.

    Probably not the best comment, but there you have it. Sorry if it came off harsh.

    | Posted on 2012-04-09 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      honesty when talking in our sleep--like in a drunken state, the truth often comes out.

    frivolity...not taking things seriously...cause if i do, i will fall apart...

    i see the drug induced state here...that i found with many of my college friends...reality was too hard to deal with...it was easier for them to face life in a drug induced state..even if the happiness was quite temporary.

    thoughtful piece...

    | Posted on 2012-04-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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