The evening is young. I bet people are wearing the frenzy mood on the Saturday night.
But I'm curled up in my bed thinking what shall I do, should I go out with him?
Suddenly I reach my phone to look who's checking up on me.
An unintelligible feeling creeps in as I saw his name on the screen.
We started to talk about when and where we should meet up.
As I said with confirmation, I hang up the phone, release a huge sigh and construct myself.
What am I doing? Is this really happening?...
It was 1 o'clock in the morning. I was raving about what could happen- what will happen after.
I hear my old self banging inside my head. Constantly, teasing me.
I shake myself back to reality. I remember I only got one lad from my school who fell in love with me
if it was not the banters of my friends perhaps he wouldn't feel something out from the idea of admiration and love.
I was young then. I didn't know anything about boys; everything about love; nor dating.
In the past, I'd think that no guys would ever desire me to be his girlfriend.
But time slaps that out of me. I received appreciations and exaltation came unexpectedly. I've been in and out of love; broke and fixed my heart and here I am trying not to keel over from the whole situation I'm about to get into.
I perch by the couch and stood there as if I was seriously watching the telly. My feelings are battling between excitement and fear though.
The next caught my attention. My phone is ringing with tease. He called up to say he's already outside the streets. I dart out of the house. Haul the gate. Poise and ready.
As I strut and train on his luxurious black car waiting for me while feeling too conscious about what he thinks about me but I brush it off, I pull myself to mediocre.
When I got inside his car, we exchanged hi and hello with his smile that I could barely see from the dimness of the streetlights.
Gladly, just in case my cheeks turn to red he wouldn't be able to notice them.
"Alright, do you wanna go get something to drink?" he asks confidently.
At least that booze can help me be at ease for some time. "Okay" I say.
So we drove to his place not knowing we'd only be alone there. I almost choked up and feeling queasy but I did not let that interfere. He's charmingly cute.
When we drop by to get some drinks, he said ambiguously. “I don't think you'll need these" he say.
"What?!" I respond in surprise. Guffaw covers my anxiety and think am I that obvious that I like him?
Meanwhile, he drives and talks occasionally. I listen to him and the pauses he makes while holding the bag of drinks on my lap. I still got time to back out before we reach to our destination. I don't like the awkward moments but I choose to be real.
So if I don't have anything interesting to say, I paused and wait for him to give a way to make both of us comfortable.
When we got there, he opened the door for me and took my hand while we wander silently at night.
The view was astounding. The landscape of where his house built is way beyond I imagined. The stars look closer than on my roof. The place is what everyone might dream to have.
I didn’t let my emotions show. Unanticipatedly, I feel the chill inside me as our fingers mingled for the first time. It was so cunning of him to just slip his long manly hand between my fingers and grasp it giving me security that I shouldn’t be dreading all this time.
I reminisce back in the days when I used to think of him as a friend or more likely acquaintance. But now seems everything will turn upside down.
He grabbed the bottles and cans of booze and placed it on top of his cupboard together with his stuff of unhooked frames, plaque of award and a bottle of peanut butter cluttered in its place. Everything looks like the family has just moved in.
“Welcome to my palace, we just renovated the house” he says as he took a glimpse of my face looking vaguely.
“Oh, I don’t mind… so this is your place” I say with no doubt
He walked me into his closet where I found his undergarment accidently spread out without a shame. But he hurled it away the moment I turn my back from him facing the mirror where I can still see where he hid it. If only he knew that I’m laughing inside my head.
He stretches out his hand while his eyes locked on me. His eyes are train meticulously on every detail of my curves as if I’m about to be seductively eaten by a lustful beast. But he gently took my hand and put it around his broad shoulders. For one moment, I think he swept me off my feet and now I’m on his lap like a baby.
“I don’t think you can carry me” I say with the sound of a challenge.
So he firmly conducts himself ready to lift me up with his mighty. I wrap my arms around him tightly that I could even feel his muscles clutched with his strength as I’m being carried like newlywed bride.
“Do you really think that these are no use?” He shrugs his shoulders like I’m just a piece of a chicken.
My face sink in to his neck and suddenly he whispers “kiss me..”
My eyes glistened in apprehension. "You think you can easily get a pass to Kiss-ville?" I utter in a slurred voice.
as I can feel his breath closer to mine. His firm grasp covers me just fine as he slowly lay me down to his bed.
our bodies are so close I can feel his warmth, while he nibble my lips passionately as his hand is taking a journey from the hills to the valleys. He make a quick detour on the navel where an epiphany occurs to me.
"wait!" I stare into his eyes trying to read what's on his mind. Then I figured I'm just another stranger in his bed.
And though I kept hearing him say how he appreciates the contour of my body. Especially my waist. Where he can easily scoot his masculine arms around me. it doesn't feel everything okay.
"I don't like this idea". I say it with my baffled mind and tad of anger. "I feel like I'm-"
"what? a whore?" he say it without hesitation.
I almost couldn't paint a scowl on my face when I hear him actually say the word. With all respect that I have left for him. I say "no, a stranger"
"a hot stranger" he says while he nods with affirmation and a grin.
I seal it with a fake laugh acknowledging the fact that we merely know nothing about each other. So we stopped and talk about his past relationships.
But in my mind, I was planning to talk him out and leave his place. On second thought, that would be awkward. I don't want to leave the situation with a hazy conclusion about us. Since we have a lot of common friends and one of them is my best-friend, I'd like to keep things easy. So I stayed and listen to his story.
The dark night slowly turns to indigo sky. We exchanged occasional kisses while we're getting to know each other. I really don't know what I'm doing. Half of me wants to play the game right and a part of me wants to keep things light and dismiss everything all at once. But I couldn't. He somehow manages to put some kind of a spell on me. The excitement I feel when I'm with him. Even from that moment, the thought of seeing him makes my stomach churning. As far as might wanted to deny, I know I've been hit by an eerie streak, one of his romantic tricks hidden up on his sleeves.
The moment of truth
In between our talks and quick smooches I caught a strain voice saying "can you stop asking more questions?" he say it irritably.
The anger slowly appears on my face. But I'm still confused. My understanding has plummet below zero degree. I know somehow between the line or all this time, all he ever wanted is definitely I'm not the person he'd like to wake up with the next day.
I'm almost fed up but I can control my emotions. Instead of trudging my feet in repugnance towards the doorstep. I took the pleasure of giving him pity caresses and manipulate him to only satisfy himself by his hand.
I took a skim to whatever carnal parts he has. His body translucence to the nightlight. My lips are creeping in back and forth to his neck while his hand's behind me, clasping. I can sense him groan with oozes of desire as his other hand is giving him a quiver.
It only took him for awhile to resign. And almost drift off.
We were lying side by side on his bed. No fondly embrace nor sweet touches. The moment of truth is vividly in front of me. But we were both sleepy we decided to doze off.
He woke me up less and an hour. “We have to go get something to eat. Are you hungry?” He says sincerely.
I’m not hungry at all but I had the most embarrassing night I just wanted to go home and sleep away whatever had happened to us. “Yeah, we should go” I say.
He warns me to let myself out quietly as he grabs my hand. While we sneak out he asked “your grip is heavy, are you okay?”
“I’m just sleepy” I say with indignation. But he didn’t let my hand go. Instead he grabbed the door for me and waited until I’m burrow into the front seat and close the door for me.
When he got in, he took my hand, slide his fingers in between mine while he’s driving. It’s been a long time since I never felt something like this. The last hand I held while I was driving was 2 years ago and now someone unintentionally replace that memory to anew. I’m smitten by surprise.
The twilight’s almost breaking in. Our hands are still holding together but no more talks, no awkward pauses just a long silence of comfort engulfs us. A familiar sensation I yearn for so long. I enjoyed the trip more than what we had in his room.
We bought breakfast round about the park to the drive-thru. The moment is ending. I know this may be the last time I’d see him. Probably we won’t ever speak again. When we finally arrived at my place, I thought I’d get to kiss him goodbye inside his car and scram. But he went out with me and walked me right to my doorstep.
As we trudge along, the awkwardness envelops me slowly. I started talking about the buildings that enclosed the surrounding. Trying to make it sound interesting.
He concurs and with a slight astonishment that it seems the establishments sprung just a blink of an eye.
The moment is here. Either I'll try to forget about everything had happened or indulge in the feeling that he can be someone I'm yearning for.
I braced myself, tilt my head to reach a kiss near his lips and said our goodbyes.