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as the sun fell
so did the girl, for the poet
"they say you'll compare me to a flower. I don't think I want that."
atop the hill, making love to the stars
"only when you start to fall apart"
| I almost don't want to comment simply because I haven't anything constructive to add, or say. I am but a machine driven by emotions, and speechlessness. |
"only when you start to fall apart"
I can't shake this.
Maybe because I somewhat dramatically find myself falling apart every now and then (a lot) and I somehow am always with someone and I dunno why this reminds me of my ex (ex was the poetic one, current man, not so much), maybe because that's the kinda thing he would do? I shrug aggressively.
It's like, why "when", does he know that she is prone to falling apart? Is it because flowers eventually like disintegrate like all organic matter? Does he think that comparing her to flowers when she is falling apart will be of aid?
I think too much, maybe because I am a little bit narcissistic in that I see parts of myself in this. Oops.
It is short and sweet, and just, the English language cannot convey the cacophony of thoughts and feelings I have when I read this.
- e s h a
|| Posted on 2016-03-10 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ] || matt,|
this poem shows such emotion in its brevity...and the last line is so great...
this one keeps me coming back...
"she loves me she loves me not, she's not capable of loving me, because she is falling apart"
reminds me of someone.
|| Posted on 2012-09-08 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] || it's the title that caught me initially - as i suppose it should. that the title is hard for me to connect to the narrative is almost immaterial...|
you say a lot in just a few lines, which is not easy to do rather, you suggest a lot in a few lines and leave the rest to the reader. i like that i can make up my own mind.
for me i have a clear idea of what i want from this and it is a mix of candour and cruelty and the dna-based need to be wanted - sometimes to one's disdvantage.
well worded and tightly composed, i like your style.
take it easy,
|| Posted on 2012-07-17 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ] || I wrote a poem once: |
for Cliff, who works too hard
sometimes you are a red tulip opening so wide
your petals fall off
The subject matter is not the same, but the image of a flower past-bloom,
deteriorating and still so beautiful. I suppose we're all leches for such things.
This recalled that poem, and the sad irony / honesty of it held on to a certain part of me I don't like to tend to often. This also strikes me as a bit of commentary on poets / poetry and the whole nature of the art which can latch too willingly to despair and so miss out.
I enjoy the way you work dialogue into your poetry without much setup or explanation, and even brief scenery elements that still frame the conversation adequately. It's not something found a whole lot.
p.s. I always have found Whitman to be a rather straightforward bloke.
|| Posted on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ] || love buds, the flower blooms, the girl is pretty and fresh....and then....the petals die and fall...and the stem is all that is left...the withering of love...|
stars don't shine as brightly either...again you have said much with few words and let our imagination flit around like petals in the wind.
i like the beginning two lines especially---
i'm not sure whitman understood whitman....
but he didn't follow the mold...and i liked that about him..he was willing to wing it, free verse and all...and not shove everything into form...
the girl falling for the poet? i wonder about that a lot...i look at my life, my past...and think...geez, maybe it is pretty risky.
and the poet comparing her to a flower, only when she is falling apart---
wow, as if he awaits that event...knows it will happen---he knows flowers are ephemeral...
|| Posted on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] |