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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nikita2u
    ASL Info:    26 Female Wonderlandlust
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 404/396/239
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1188
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 863



    Description:
       Bash away folks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    the sound of his voice ever so clear.
    in the farthest reaches of my mind
    he stands so bold.

    tall and daring, no emotion is evident
    on his closed face. but beneath that exterior
    is a warmth so vivid it matches the sun in
    every way.

    sweet surrender lays with him, bliss
    of the heavens so comforting for this
    lonely lost soul. Heavens own arms
    wrapped into his.

    the peacefulness of tranquility. the
    lovers soft embrace. so smoothly
    made that the sky cries its own tears
    for the beauty that rest inside him.

    no nightmare or shadow can touch
    this lost child in his presence for he
    brings out the joys of love and laughter.

    dearest friend, hopeful love,
    heartbreaking beauty, now I surrender.




    Submitted on 2012-04-17 15:47:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      really like the last stanza...the wording...

    before that there is good wording but sometimes the lines feel stiff and forced...

    sometimes you can create better pace by more active voice in the stanzas---let the words drive the theme rather than having it weakly carried by the wordiness..."Heaven's own arms"

    "sweet surrender lies within him"

    i like the personification...spread that out more in the poem..."the beauty that rests inside him"

    elaborate the personification and metaphor in this...in spots...because it feels like it can be startling in its demeanor.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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