Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rust On My Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DearlyDeparted
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 211/290/189
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 778
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671



    Description:
       Always missing him...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRust On My Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't look at a 74' Ford F250 without a tear coming to my eye.
    Or watch The Little Rascals without a pang of grief striking my heart.
    Even the smells I thought once to be utterly grotesque;
    Like chewing tobacco mingled with stale beer,
    can bring a crooked grin to my face.
    The scent of used motor oil and old transmission fluid,
    breaks me down faster then a Nicolas Sparks novel.
    It's surreal;
    knowing you're gone.
    It's been years,
    but the pain sits in the ground of my soul like steel.
    It may oxidize,
    though the rust will taint the surrounding earth forever.




    Submitted on 2012-04-17 21:24:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you pull the reader in, not only describing your feelings but preserving the memories that keep him in your heart forever. a very moving piece with a unique personal touch.
    | Posted on 2012-04-23 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is potent.

    especially like the lines about the motor oil and transmission fluid scent breaking you down faster than a nicolas sparks' novel..

    and my girlfriend and i were just talking about his novels and his sensitivity in what he writes.


    so much to like here...if i did favs, this would be one.

    great ending too..although i think you meant "steel"
    "though the rust will taint the surrounding earth forever"

    what an imprint!

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    194919

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    ME written by jjd
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    This written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry