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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Hairdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Transcendancing
    Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 365/214/35
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 538
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 443



    Description:
       This was inspired by my boyfriend's hair... it really is something else.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Hairdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Midnight…
    Luxuriant silken sheet
    Living gossamer
    Against my skin –
    Seemingly course,
    Unkempt,
    Compared with such,
    Wealth.
    Waist length,
    Alive and self willed –
    A many tendrilled being
    Provoking attraction, while
    Drawing attention.
    Yet to its owner,
    This passes all unnoticed…
    Smiling, shaking head
    In tender wonder.




    Submitted on 2004-08-02 02:43:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh sensuous poem. I'd actually delete most of the punctuation, but then I tend to dislike most punctuation in most poems! Did you mean coarse in the 5th line? I think I'd swap around the lines "Provoking attraction, while/Drawing attention." because I think it's more usual to draw attention, and the more surprising line should come second for a bigger impact. "Drawing attention, while/Provoking attraction". I want this hair!
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by boompatah | [ Reply to This ]
      "In tender wonder" was my favorite line. I know that look, with the shaking head but still loving it... you portrayed it soooo well. This is a nice piece, and I liked the punctuation you used. I didn't particularly like the capitalization at the beginning of every line, but you know what? That's just me, so don't worry bout it. nice job, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-08-13 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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