Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Ugly And Yet So Beautiful Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 797



    Description:
       Something I've been trying to work on for a while, this is a revision ( not completed by any means ) tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Ugly And Yet So Beautiful Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The bond of humanity has fractured numerous times,
    So weak are these ties that bind,
    one hand; the other.
    The duality of what it truly means to exist,
    being; becoming.
    A righteous decent into humility,
    Our empathetic soul,
    tired and hungry (malnourished)
    Moving towards the end in search of sense,
    of our creator-
    The great unmoved mover, we beg for catharsis,
    something to validate who we are-
    A purposed purpose to reason.
    We await that whisper-
    In pandemonium- lead and fire.
    In tranquility- warming winds and mysterious dreams.
    In the fleeting heart of the ocean wide-
    We journey through the perils of our life,
    passing for a moment, listening for the changing tides.




    Submitted on 2012-05-11 11:54:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      While it is true that human history reveals many of the ugly aspects of our nature, yet there is that thread of hopefulness that keeps our aspect salient and virile. I just thought Id let you know I ascribe to your philosophical tenants as professed. I also enjoyed the way you presented them (your style). Definitely a pleasant reaffirmation of the human spirits tenacity.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2013-08-04 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, we listen for changing tides...but humanity just keeps losing sight of what matters...and it just keeps going downhill...we get more violent and less caring...there is no one to give rest to the weary or to feed the hungry...

    and often we wonder...why would the creator make us to be this way.

    next to last line i would leave out "our" before "lives" ---unnecessary...and also the "malnourished" in parentheses---don't feel the need for that...it is redundant.

    really like the "being; becoming"

    and it begs the question...what exactly are we becoming?

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-05-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195099

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    You read free written by poetotoe
    AI written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Records I written by Raphael
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    untitled written by ShyOne
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry