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    dots Submission Name: Its The Devils Play Timedots

    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 496
    Class/Type: Fanfic/Depressed
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2890


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    dotsIts The Devils Play Timedots

    Lately having way too much idol time,
    Idol time is the devils play time, and he is running ramped in my mind.
    Stirring up feelings and emotions that will only create a loud bang as we both know oh too well.
    I know I need help; I need someone to talk to.
    I am desperate to make it, but I'm also ready and more than willing to just say fuck it.
    I am so tired of these feelings.
    Never will I be enough for my family, never am I good enough.
    I will only ever be known as the disappointment, the let-down of the family.
    Everyone turns their noses up at me, as if they are better than me.
    And although I know we are all equal deep down I am no better than the dirt on these peoples shoes.

    I ache for the happiness I once felt,
    I want so desperately to go back and not use any drugs.
    I know now it was only enabling me from ever fully healing,
    However living on cloud 9 even for only a few moments took all the weight off these shoulders.

    I just want to go back and it hurts to know I never can.
    Change the night I choose to pull the trigger before finding another solution,
    Go back and scream out for help until I found someone who cared enough to make him stop touching me.
    I want to go back and change so many things but I cannot
    Now I am left to sit in the left overs of my actions,
    The scars I have left from that gun,
    Or that underlying itch of wanting to get high, I am forced to wither away in this pathetic thing I call a life.

    I doubt I'll make it to age 30 and if I do I'll probably be a drug addict
    Can't see myself ever getting close to my goals itís just not the path I am meant to be on.
    I am meant and designed as a failure, I am the ultimate failure.
    Look up the word and you'll find my name next to it!!
    Never given a shot in hell and for some reason had I always fought what I truly knew and now am accepting?
    I will never be of any significant use to anyone for any great length of time, I will always be "left overs"
    I see where I stand in this god forsaken place we all call "Life",
    I stand about an inch off the ground, only useful when nothing better comes around...
    I am drowning in this endless sea of sorrows,
    I can only hope I can make it out.

    Submitted on 2012-05-18 18:21:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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