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    dots Submission Name: Memory Untitleddots

    Author: Belle De Jour
    ASL Info:    24/Female/Inside
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 335/367/53
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 896

       He is in my thoughts a great deal lately...
    I was unsure of a title, the one given is what came to mind, if anyone has any suggestions feel free to suggest. :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemory Untitleddots

    I find myself sitting on the porch
    While the sun begins to set as it reflects
    A multi-colored deep orange glow
    Lighting up the beautiful life, which you planted

    An overflowing colorful painting before me
    I reach out to run my fingers along the beauty
    But I can not touch this sacred creation
    Only look and admire the graceful life given

    Although, I must confess I am ungrateful at times
    I yearn for the days when you and I were here
    Underneath the crystal light sun, surrounded
    By the green, yellow, and pink shades of flowers

    And I smiled as you lifted me upon your shoulders
    I thought you did it just for me to feel the excitement
    But now I think it was so that I may be closer to the sun
    Making sure your little girl would grow big and strong, to live on

    Submitted on 2004-08-02 09:17:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you surely have a beautiful soul when you open up and let us in. this is a lovely poem and i enjoyed it (when don't i?) you gave me a calm, happy feeling, like a summer sunset.
    | Posted on 2004-08-07 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think "reflects" is the right word in line 2.
    I'm not sure about "crystal light sun", but other than that I really like this piece. I love the line "But now I think it was so that I may be closer to the sun" This is a sweet piece. I like Planted Memory as a title, but it doesn't fit the tone of the piece I don't think. But I tried. You have me thinking of my Dad now :)
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the very subtle ryhme scheme here. Not at all a strict pattern but still there enough to let you know that this is poetry. Not free-verse off the top of head poetry but, clever calculated poetry with purpose and a defining point.

    On another note...

    I have seen your dad mentioned in past works as well. I'm not pretending to know how you feel but I know its awefull hard when someone is gone with that kind of finality. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss, even though I know that doesn't mean anything. What a bummer.

    Anyway I owe you a couple typo corrections because your always helping me out with that, but for the life of me I see none here...damn your perfect spelling as s

    heh heh

    good write bele

    | Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the colors you brought in. they add to your beautiful imagery. great poem. wouldn't change a thing. about the title. well, I found Memory Untitled quite interesting (that's the reason why I read it). I would say keep it. but that's up to you.
    | Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

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