Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waking up next to youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 329



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaking up next to youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This dawn tiptoes up walls
    jumps one ship to another,
    hooks tethering whispers
    into your detached face,
    while you sweep away
    my dignity, dreaming
    of scaling crumbled pinnacles
    to an ancient princess,
    writing reverse verses
    in her raven-black
    hair.




    Submitted on 2012-05-23 07:18:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This I like. I like how it flows, how the dawn links from one ship to another as each line threads itself together. I dont think it's necessarily another person here as has been mentioned but maybe just the figment of our imaginations we're all chasing. Of course maybe I'm wrong. Poetry isn't an opportunity to attempt divination, though meaning must be applied somehow I guess.
    | Posted on 2012-05-25 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is sad...the idea of waking up with someone you've slept with only to feel that person as been dreaming about someone else...

    sort of like "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

    the first line is so catchy...and works well..because as a reader i was tip-toeing up the side of the poem--jumping from one emotion to another...and the last 4 lines are such keepers...and make for a strong but sad ending...the fantasty vs. reality...but we really should appreciate the reality we are with rather than always thinking the grass is greener in a different pasture.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-05-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Dawn and daylight are like slow Saturday mornings; they bid us peace and togetherness, comfort and love, coffee and a casual breakfast. Those are the slowly mosying impressions I gather from this meditation as verses reverse into comfortable prose.
    | Posted on 2012-05-24 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195200

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry