[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Waking up next to youdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1350
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 329


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaking up next to youdots

    This dawn tiptoes up walls
    jumps one ship to another,
    hooks tethering whispers
    into your detached face,
    while you sweep away
    my dignity, dreaming
    of scaling crumbled pinnacles
    to an ancient princess,
    writing reverse verses
    in her raven-black

    Submitted on 2012-05-23 07:18:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This I like. I like how it flows, how the dawn links from one ship to another as each line threads itself together. I dont think it's necessarily another person here as has been mentioned but maybe just the figment of our imaginations we're all chasing. Of course maybe I'm wrong. Poetry isn't an opportunity to attempt divination, though meaning must be applied somehow I guess.
    | Posted on 2012-05-25 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is sad...the idea of waking up with someone you've slept with only to feel that person as been dreaming about someone else...

    sort of like "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

    the first line is so catchy...and works well..because as a reader i was tip-toeing up the side of the poem--jumping from one emotion to another...and the last 4 lines are such keepers...and make for a strong but sad ending...the fantasty vs. reality...but we really should appreciate the reality we are with rather than always thinking the grass is greener in a different pasture.

    | Posted on 2012-05-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Dawn and daylight are like slow Saturday mornings; they bid us peace and togetherness, comfort and love, coffee and a casual breakfast. Those are the slowly mosying impressions I gather from this meditation as verses reverse into comfortable prose.
    | Posted on 2012-05-24 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]